The One with the Rebound

rebound - (n) an undefined period following the break up of a romantic relationship. The term's use dates to at least the 1830s, when Mary Russell Mitford wrote of "nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound".

This didn't really make sense to me until a few months ago. To be honest, prior to finding my ex, I always defined rebound as this pharmacological phenomenon of returning symptoms when you discontinue or stop taking a medication <read: pain coming back after you stop taking pain-killers>. 

Right, it could be about basketball too, but then I never really understood basketball! 

Nowadays, being on the rebound means you're physically with someone with little to no emotions and you're just going through the motions of being in a relationship. Perhaps to wean yourself off the pain or being dumped, moreover, to increase your confidence that someone would be with you in a relationship. 

Hard to glue the pieces back together when your heart is broken. 

You can always say that life is somewhat fair. It gives you what you need exactly when you need it. Others turn to friends, some turn to an ex, some turn to their family, some find someone new. And it's always a rebound. 

A couple of months back, there was someone I thought I might have genuine feelings for. He would flirt, he would be affectionate and would talk to me for hours. That affection is gone. Perhaps, he got tired of my obsession to analyze things. Perhaps it was just a fleeting thing. In any case, was he my rebound guy? I would think back and look at his Facebook profile and laugh at his status and always wonder, does he ever look at my status? Would he ever pick up his phone and give me a call and wonder if he ever pursued me, would there be a real chance at a future? All I know is he left me better than he ever found me, and if this is what rebounding is supposed to be, I'm happy he rebounded with me. 

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever find a guy that's tall, dark and handsome. Should I settle for a shadow? 

If you ask me if I hate him, no. Am I disappointed? Not really. I expected the worst and hoped for the best. Will I ever find someone "better" than him? Maybe. Who knows? But for now, I am happy that I met him and I was able to express my affection. 

Oh, and the best thing about it is, if he's a drug, I didn't have a "rebound" phenomenon. <scroll up if you forgot what that meant>

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this blog post. 

All photos were taken from Stock Xchnge. 

The One with the Fairytales

Something I wrote in November 13, 2008. Edited and annotated for everyone's sake. 

I will never let my children read fairy tales - ever! Especially when I have a daughter...

We all love tiaras but it ain't worth it. 

See, one of the things that fairy tales taught me was to hope for a prince in his shining silver armor, in his white horse to come and rescue me from everything that I am in. It seems that every woman in my age group still has that notion that someday, their princes will come. 

Somehow, it's not good for the female psyche. It sucks that while most women have the ability to run Fortune 500 companies, or have the ability to perform as a hyphenate, they still have the notion that marriage is the finality of the race - IE: the finish line.

I saw my Tita the other day, and she stayed over for breakfast (french toast, wieners and fruit, thank you very much...), she asked me about my "marriage plans". I said I have a boyfriend and that we're very happy to which she prodded, "What, ayaw niya matali sa yo?" (Literal translation: "What, he doesn't want to be tied to you?")

The problem with "well-meaning relatives" is that they have the ability to make you feel less deserving than when you first started dating. When I was 24, I was being asked for a boyfriend. Now that I am 27, I am being asked for a husband. It's like no one wants to talk about how I single-handedly organized the training department of a young company and how I made sure that the training evaluation program was set in place. No one wants to talk about how I got off a car accident alive last year. No one wants to talk about how smooth my skin is thanks to the new Clean and Clear Refreshing Wash I use which is a steal at only Php 119.00. Everyone - well-meaning relatives or not, want to talk about how important marriage is, like I'll never get my happily ever after if I don't get married soon.

**meg**: I'm now almost 30, and I'm still asked the same damned question. Imagine that! Saying we broke up and that I got dumped never gets them to back off... 

I smiled halfway through my delicious french toast (made with skimmed milk - thanks to how anal I am when it comes to cooking healthier food for my folks), and sat there - perplexed. I gave her the envelope she needed and proceeded to the dirty kitchen to smoke one good stick of cigarette.

While Cinderella might have been a non-smoker, the tar and coal and everything in that fireplace might have given her enough high for the days when she had to clean the fireplace. I thought about what my aunt said. And thought about why my boyfriend doesn't want to marry me. It's just not time yet. I totally get that. It sucks because I see the logic in this whole waiting game. I just don't understand why sometimes, I'm gripped with fear that he will march off and leave.

Yes, no one actually did this for me. 

Somehow, I get the idea. I understand that I'm not Rapunzel with the long hair, I'm not Snow White with the seven dwarves. I'm no Cinderella either. I'm just not a princess, and I'm not looking for a prince. I'm just a simple woman, who wants a simple man. But indeed, life is complicated. There's no happily ever after. There's work to be done after a relatonship comes alive - and you really have to do everything to make it happen.

**meg**: Yes, well, everything in its own time. 


Note: No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this post. Pictures that were not taken by **meg** were obtained legally from Stock Xchng. 

Candy is a blog author herself. Read riveting revelations about Candy on her blog. 

The One with the Undateable Meg

Disclaimer: 

This was written in the purpose of poking fun at what happened to me recently. I was hanging out with a "couple friend" and they were trying to pair a tall Information Technology guy with my petite Foreign Affairs Liaison girl friend while I was sitting right across the table - the plus-size Instructional Design goddess (and my mother agrees so I don't care what you think....lolz!). My mind was actually screaming the word propinquity but hey, why say it when I can just blog about it? 

I was hanging out at a coffee shop the other day with a few friends. Two of them, a married couple and one single chick. We were a fearsome foursome as one by one, law students from a nearby grad school started leaving our area. I think they were bothered by how loud and despicable our conversation was getting. 

Fact 1: Couples love to hook people up. 

Wife: Oh I think my friend Mel would love to go out with Harry. She's been pretty bummed about being single.
Husband: They're perfect together, Mel has cats and Harry has a one-man armpit band! *snickers* 

You're not an established couple until you have done the following: 

1. Fought over dishes. 

2. Scrubbed a kitchen or bathroom floor cos you're just plain disgusted - and it's not done out of love 

3. Hooked up his old high school/college/pro-football buddy with her old high school/college/tap dance classmate at the Y (or vice versa, but yikes, wifey played pro-football?!)

4. Decided on which way you're going to raise your kids (disciplinarian dad and maternal mum VS doting dad and meticulous mom) 

5. Established what religion you will follow

So, number 3 is always - ALWAYS - something that happens. I'm pretty happy I have tons of married and non-single friends cos they really tend to hook you up. Sometimes with the weirdest, wildest and most unthinkable matches, down to the macabre, scary and disturbing ones. Yes, I was once paired with someone who told me that if you stab someone's liver, the guy would die if 15 minutes lapses OR black blood comes out, whichever comes first. Yeah, my reaction was... "Uhm, you like livers pala <read: apparently>?!" The guy never called me back. 

So lo and behold, when they were talking about a guy, let's call him Mr. I (as in I think I may have missed my chance with you, but hey, let's put it out there for the world to know Mr. I), I thought, oh well, perfect, I just need to meet said guy and I'll be either one boyfriend nearer to my goal of finding "the one" or I have meet Mr. I and he can teach me something about love and life and maybe we'll best friends. 

The couple wanted Mr. I to meet my other single friend. 

Normally, I would taken offense and said, well what about me says I'm undateable (if such a term exists)?

1. I'm not desperate - yeah I write a blog about being single but it doesn't mean I'm advertising myself for the world to see... (Hmn, if anyone's interested, please PM me your number.) But I got standards... (Must be male, at least 5'7 in height, with a pleasing personality) and morals (Must know how to explain filial piety) and smarts (Must know how to switch a computer on). 

2. I earn money, a little at a time, but I do! 

3. I am smart (Did you read the word propinquity up in the disclaimer? Yeah...I use it a lot, like ostensibly or something...) 

Fact 2: Couples will try to explain as a unit why they decided to not hook YOU up. 

There are a million reasons why you can be perfect for someone but there's only one reason why you can't be hooked up with someone... 

Wife: Yeesh, I told you she'd be touchy about it.
Husband: Yeah, yeah, yeah... I'm trying to come up with a way to get out of it...  Yeesh! 

And I never found it cos we had to go home. It was pretty late. Anti-climactic huh? Did I mention that I'm freaky smart? Like ostensibly? 

Ending disclaimer (ie: this is the real blog post):

I really don't mind being unable to date anyone at this point. There's a ton of things I want to do with the free time that I have. I want to write and express myself, I want to find my passion and I want to fuel me. I want something to drive me and I really want that to be me (Like ostensibly! Lolz... BTW, I know what ostensibly means after looking it up and reading it 3x). I just fear sometimes that even my friends think I'm undateable. 

Another Disclaimer: 

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this blog post. 

All pictures legally came from Stock Xchnge.