The One with God and the Multi-level Manager

A couple of years back. I was a Training and Development Coordinator before, in Merlin. I used to handle several sites - Hungary, UK and the Philippines. Think that it's a Training and Development Manager post, except that the company calls it something else for purposes of taxation, semantics (cos they're Brit) and the whole thought of we're not a call centre hence we're not gonna call everyone a manager mindset. (Thanks to James for clearing that up!)

Apparently, I should have had a PDA. They just gave me a laptop and I had to lug it around for hours to get to the office! Hahaha! 

In Hungary, where there is an entire floor in a building dedicated to the company, there are so much more employees. Handling training for soft skills, communications and other specifics was simply harder to accomplish remotely and at the same time, it was just hard to follow-up.

In the UK, because it's corporate, it's easier. The personnel are great to get along with and they often just need some systems training, where one SME (subject matter expert) is already in the site and it's mere coordination that needs to be set in motion.

In the Philippines, it was a whole lot easier. Everyone can see you, everyone "respects" you to a certain extent and it's easier to reach out. People are commonly more agreeable cos they know you're working hard on something and your intention is to get everyone trained on a specific topic, even if it means taking an hour-long call from the NASA affiliate of the account you're handling (which means extending your shift until 5 in the morning even though it's agreed that you only work until 2AM).

Getting people to follow your training requires some weird talent - it involves food, some warm coffee and a lot of stand-up acts that you should have mastered by the time you're almost 30! 

Earlier today, I had dinner with a trusted friend. He sat down with me and told me how he abhors (notice how I skipped the use of the word hate cos it just doesn't give me the same intensity as "abhor") it when some "evangelists" tell you you're wrong and condemns you to turn you to their religion. He spoke of a time when he felt like he was being crucified for doing something wrong, as a former classmate of ours would come to his house and would try to get him to attend a church he belonged to. They stopped talking after my friend said "I'm not saying no to God, I'm saying no to you...". I guess the extremist church dude took the Bible verse "...do not yoke with unbelievers" seriously. 

Who could say no to that face? Maybe evangelists should utilize cherub-like  images before they "preach". They'd get better responses. 

I came to think about my own experiences in religion. I have had friends who would gently prod, others would guilt you into going to their churches, others would surprise you (as in you feel trapped, you're in someone's "party", and in the middle of the hip LL Cool J song, they whip out their Bibles and the pool is already prepped for your "baptism") and others would simply back-off when you say you're busy. Those whom I'm still friends with are those who showed genuine concern. Those who may have failed but still show their care, would pray for me, would accompany me on a bad day or simply go shopping and not quite talk about their faith. I've been approached by all types of religions - Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism and Christianity. All types of faiths, leading me to believe sometimes that I can just wait until some cult comes up to me and say "The Sunshine State of Mind is the way to go..." and I'd just finally give up and say "Sure, why not?!". I figured there are really those that force and condemn and criticize, without taking someone's side on anything. They judge and cast stones. If you've ever been approached by people who tell you that your faith is wrong, you're wrong or the way you live your life is wrong, then you know what I mean. They congregate as a group and collectively point their fingers at you, choosing to say "You're wrong", instead of "This is what's right in my eyes, or in God's eyes...". 

Judge me. I'm a sinner. 

In most cases, eager and overzealous evangelists become the judge,jury and executioner. I'm familiar with the drill. Corner someone and say he or she is wrong. He/she is a sinner. He/she is a bad person. Guess what, everyone is a sinner. Supposedly, according to the Bible, "everyone has sinned and fallen short of God's glory". There's no need to condemn anyone because "the wages of sin is death" and I will skip stating which part of the Bible it is. The main idea is God has always tried to reach out, to coordinate, to hold out His hands and try to get people to see His point of view. Preachers tend to point their fingers at you and say "You're the worst person on earth"... They follow up their church and what their doctrines are and it scares the heck out of you because you're not a judgmental person and you simply hope not to be judged by anyone. 

I read it once. Not enough to quote it like a lawyer but hey, enough to know God loves me. 

They always say that God is a jealous, spiteful, avenging God. He is a God that punishes and whatever bad thing that happens to you is your punishment. Flu? You didn't read the Bible yesterday! Leprosy? That's cos you cheated off your 2nd-grade classmate back then. AIDS? Homosexual abomination! You deserve that! Famine and strife? Your country is heathen and hedonistic and you've displeased God! I sincerely don't doubt that there are people out there who tend to cast stones because of self-righteousness. Guess what, it makes sense to me. Scare someone sh*tless and you tend to make them want to seek out the one thing that would hold them together. But isn't this a cult tactic? Isn't this what the Manson Family (Charles, not Marilyn) did? Isn't this what the late great cultist Jim Jones did in Jonestown, Guyana? Fear - fear of failing, fear of humiliation, fear of rejection - aren't those their tools? These men - great minds, amazing followship (and I don't call it fellowship because it might offend some people) was because they were bullies. They coerce people to follow, coerce people to belong and thus, people tend to. They make a stand, and they force people into accepting their words as gospel truth because they have a congregation that says "amen" to what they say, because they have a group that can "excommunicate" you when you choose not to follow and they have the machinery of God's word - thousands of Bible verses to prove to you, to the congregation and the rest of the world that YOU ARE WRONG! 

Still a cute girl. Seriously,preachers, get a little girl to do this... 

Guess what, no one wants to hear they're wrong. 

I was asked by my trusted friend what I think God is like. He laughed when I said "God is like a really good omnipresent and omniscient multi-level manager in a corporation" (Sounds like something I'd say, right? Blasphemous and challenging.). He is an excellent manager of people and a manager of systems. When God needs something communicated, He tends to look into a person's psyche first. Figures out what works best then goes with it and runs with it. Different strokes for different folks. I think God figured out a long time ago that bullying doesn't work (Those Inquisitions never did Christianity any good, did it?) and tolerance, instead of condemnation, is key. God doesn't sit down and tell other people in the department to give sanctions to people for mere omissions or commissions (Christian term which means omitted acts - like reading the Bible, praying, paying your tithes, etc and committed acts - lying, cheating, coveting someone's wife, etc), rather He weighs his options. He has a Performance Appraisal for everyone and knows what each one did to merit an Exceeds Expectations rating, or Fully Successful or even Needs Improvement. He listens in on calls, knows your metrics, bases your performance on that rather than something subjective like how well you participate in meetings or how friendly you were to the staff. God works in mysterious ways too, He doesn't need a major breakthrough so He'd give you a kudos, He knows what you did and He will pat your back when you deserve it. God also sits you down and tells you you've been late for a couple of times, and what the hell is wrong with you or tells you your metrics have dipped, and works with you on how you can make it easier to target those metrics. God isn't a micro-manager. He tells you what He wants done and sets your expectations clearly and tries to get out of your way so you can work your mojo. Ultimately, God knows how to communicate to you. There's no need for flaming swords or the vision of Eden or tears of blood and gold to show you how much He cares. At the end of the day, God is an excellent multi-level manager. 

God has a freakishly large calendar to pencil in talking to his people!

Managing sites, getting people's buy in, finding common things to talk about, not bullying anyone... If I was as good as God (please don't consider this blasphemy, you can dream right?), I would have done that. I would have lessened the administrative tasks and I would have given my all to talk to people and make them want the training, make them want to learn, push them to make the best decisions of their careers and not coerce them into making decisions based on fear or bullying tactics.If you're going to minister to me, trust me. I'm going to need you to talk to me the way most managers do, with patience, tolerance and finally, with understanding. There's no need for an Inquisition when you're not ready for a war. 

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this post. All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng.

The One with the Indian Food

Another point of this blog is not to simply take care of me, but to take care of my primary love (not a boy), which is food.

This is long overdue, but by God, I promise I will go back to that place and adore the food that graces my plate. The name of the restaurant is Queens Crystal Garden. It's along Jupiter Avenue in Makati and they're open for lunch. So if you want to grab some friends, head on to that place and pick your food from their wide menu! It's amazing!

Just entering the place, you know it's fit for a Bollywood queen! The interior had high ceilings and you can't imagine how much I had to crane my neck just to see the whole area. It's like a 5-star hotel sprawled and adorned with velour and velvet all over!

Captivating furniture to help you feel like a queen. That's actual hardwood seating right there, next to a royal red table cloth contrasted against yellow velvet. It's almost royal! 

The wall is adorned with pictures of Ganesha. The pictures seem etched on thin paper (not sure if it's Papyrus). 

That's a bronze representation of Ganesha, once more, with some of the awards they've won and a little shrine to India. 

Because you eat with your eyes first, and we were freaking hungry after the slightly long and hot walk to Queens, we wanted meat and lots of yummy Indian bread. Guess what we had first?

In case it's not obvious, it's beer we're drinking. In the middle of the afternoon, in high bustling heat. Candy seemed fine. 

There's the handsome Pareng Ken with his shades on, posing next to my Super Dry. 

After the niceties over some ice cold delicious beer, we had to have our sampler so, on to our love for breads! There were so much to choose from and so little time cos we were so hungry. It's a good thing that Ken decided to get the Pudina Naan, which is unleavened flat bread made of potato, some yoghurt and dry yeast and it gets the word Pudina because of the mint (yup, guys, mint's not just for Mojitos!!!). Candy and I opted for the Roti which is also unleavened bread made of wheat and a lot of unclarified butter.

Candy's tearing into a Roti Channai. It's basically unleavened bread, with a little bit of sweetness embedded in it. It's perfect dipped in hot delicious curry. The green bread you see in the far right (top) is Pudina Naan (which literaly translates to Mint Naan Bread). 

This is a heaping pot of mutton curry which is so rich and so good and so delicious. It makes my mouth water just thinking about the flavors and the delicious, amazing feat it took the cook to make it so damned rich and creamy! 

Of course, no meal for me is complete without meat. I'm a little Western, I work like a sailor and I eat like a trucker so I got to have my protein. The waiter was kind enough to suggest a sampler. The sampler contained everything you'd ever dream of in Indian cuisine. It featured fish, chicken, mutton and delicious shrimp. It's almost orgasmic!

The fish was cooked to perfection. It was so creamy and flaky and you literally can use your fork and flake it out. The green coating in the fish was minty, fresh and it had the right amount of citrus in it. The mutton was thick and chewy and so meaty. Everything about the mutton was just accentuated right with the mint chutney, it was almost perfection. The shrimp was lightly seared in a pan and the flavor was just so light and so perfect. It made the whole experience almost tie together perfectly cos it complemented everything else in the plate. My personal favorite was the reddish curry-dipped chicken. It was fried lightly but the batter made the chili so much hotter. The flavor actually bursts in your mouth! And the mint chutney on this was just wowza - I can't stop eating and you can ask Ken and Candy, I think I was wiping the last drops of the chutney with the last piece of chicken I got.

The mint chutney (far right, green dipping sauce) made everything so much more delicious than it could ever be! I'm so glad Ken asked for it! 

The last piece of the puzzle was a Paneer dish. Paneer is actually unaged, acid-set cheese. It was lightly basted with a few mint leaves and some vegetables and I think it just capped off the perfect lunch.

Food I eat rarely? Not anymore. Indian food is one of my favorites now. Ajeet, a friend told me to get Masala Dosa the next time, which I will. I promise to have more pictures of the delicious food next time!

All pictures were taken with a Sony DSC series camera. 
Apart from making sure that his friends try Masala Dosa, Ajeet is also a great and amazing blog author. Don't read his blog and die. :) 
Candy is a blogger herself and she loves Indian food just like I do. Read about her food trips and her riveting stories on Define. 
Queen's Crystal Garden is on 146-B Jupiter Street, Makati. Check out their official webby here. 

The One with the Depression

So here I am, at home, very sick and wondering why on earth did I go online. Oh right, I was supposed to work on something too. I figured since I'm breaking the cardinal rule of bed rest (which is being in my chair and not in bed), I might as well tell you a little bit of what I've been feeling.

No pill made me feel better. And vitamin C - I freakin' miss you!

Day 1: Friday 
Temperature: 38.5 - 39 degrees Celsius
Appetite: So-so. I needed to eat. 
Tonsils: Not so inflamed. Kinda scratchy. 
Demeanor: Meh, I needed to sleep. 
I have been sick for almost a week now - wait, it has been a week. I was in bed when I started having chills and severe body pain. If you want to torture me, I can endure almost any kind of pain - I have had migraines since I was a kid, my ovary has 16 or so different cysts that never seem to leave me be, I have had toothaches and root canals and I've had an accident that caused me to have a lopsided nose (think Owen Wilson, only sexier...), but never ever ever give me a sick headache with body pains cos that would cause my head to go spinning around so badly. Also, a bad flu makes my lymph nodes swell so badly that I actually feel them fighting the infection. It wasn't bad that I had a fever, what was bad was what I was feeling - the fever made me feel so weak and almost dying (how dramatic).

Not as pretty when I'm sick, but you get the idea! 

This is how I know that if I ever contract HIV, I will die on the spot, cos my lymph nodes would probably burst out of my neck and will kill me in that very instant.

Day 2-3: Saturday - Sunday 
Temperature: 39-39.5 degrees Celsius
Appetite: No appetite at all...
Tonsils: Inflamed as heck. Can't talk too much. I keep gargling salt water and suckling on lozenges. I was almost 100% positive that it was strep throat.
Demeanor: Irritable as hell! Coughing didn't help. Plus my back felt tense and pained. 
It's a "kill me now" moment. I felt so damned weak. I didn't realize that the AC was on, or that the fan was on, I was cold all the time. I stayed in bed the whole 24 hours of each day and I wouldn't even want to eat. I hated any food. Nothing tasted like anything it should. I had chicken which tasted like cardboard and rice that tasted like gooey cardboard. I had beef that tasted like corrugated paper with a little soy sauce in it. My dad is an excellent cook and he puts of soul and love into each dish but man, that weekend was so bad that if you gave me super fiery Indian food, I'd probably say that their Fontina has gone bad.

Looks appetizing, right?! Didn't do anything for me. 

I hated the fact that I didn't have anyone to come to for some TLC. I have to admit that family is there all the time. My mom would check my temperature and would SMS me even when she's in the market. She got me bananas to munch on. She even got me a bottle of Gatorade cos I wouldn't eat anything. But I was really hoping for someone to kind of cuddle with me. I know it's gross and disgusting to be bundled in a comforter with someone snotty and probably has germs all around her but it would have been amazing to have a hug from someone that cared enough.

Day 4: Monday 
Temperature: Back to kinda normal - 38 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: Not much appetite, tried to eat anyhow. 
Tonsils: Gargling was a good idea. It made me feel a little better. I really thought I could come to work then. 
Demeanor: Hopeful that I was gonna be well enough to get to work. 
What the heck was happening?! I wasn't normal anymore. I felt weak but I felt so hopeful and I was wishing for nothing more than normalcy - the office, the carpeted floors, my huge screen, my modules... Alas, I was wrong. Come night time, my fever spiked up and I suddenly had no energy to go anywhere. I sent an SMS to my boss, Chase and told him I'll go to the doctor.

Got an expensive doctor, BTW. General and Cancer Surgeon - Dr. Raymond Natividad. Apparently, the dude had a "line" even though you've called in and begged for a 10.30 appointment. The dude is a genius! I think my HMO is a little crazy cos they automatically associated me with cancer. (My aunt had non-Hodgekin's Lymphoma, go figure.)

Day 5: Tuesday 
Temperature: 38.5 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: None at all. 
Tonsils: Swollen as heck. Exudative, apparently. 
Demeanor: Pissed off at the laboratory people for making me wait so long for a blood extraction. 
Dr. Natividad saw me for the first time and did all the tests - he tested for pneumonia and bronchitis and decided right then and there that I didn't have cancer. He even ordered a blood count and a urinalysis, was worried about a rash that I had in my tummy area (cos that's a side effect) and my eyes. I love this doctor, no matter how exorbitant the fees are. He made me purchase the most expensive antibiotics (and to think I'm a pharmacist!) and made me promise that I'll stay in bed for the rest of week.

I went to work that night to file for my leave and to finish some crazy last minute meetings with my SMEs before deploying a project. I know, I know, I was crazy to come to work. After that long day, I slept like a baby! I was told to expect worse high-grade fevers cos he diagnosed me with Acute Exudative Tonsillopharyngitis. I was supposedly non-contagious until I start making out with someone (again, a single girl joke - why won't people let up?!).

Men think that unless I look like this, I won't do. 

I came to work and I'm glad I saw my friends there. Ivan, Candy, Jessie - I love just being surrounded by people that I've come to respect and love, thanks to work. And also, you know, no matter how feverish I was, I didn't feel the need to complain about it, cos it's natural. I attended all my meetings and thankfully, Sonja approved my leave. I've been on bed rest since Wednesday evening til now.

Now
Temperature: 38 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: A little, I had chicken. Woohoo!
Tonsils: Better now, I feel a little more comfy swallowing and relaxing my neck. 
Demeanor: Chill. :) 
I'm sick still. On my last day of bed rest, I hope the worst is over cos I feel a little bit better. My back is still tense but I'm sweating so that's a good sign, right? I'm hoping that when I get sick again this year, it won't be this bad.

I'm not going to lie. All throughout those days when I needed bed rest, all I could think about was why was it happening to me. I'm a good person, I am a real team player, I actually work my ass off and I'm trying hard to make a difference in my world. Last year, when my life was suddenly and abruptly turned upside down by a personal tragedy, I figured God must not send out lightning to strike twice. Like I always tell people, it's bad enough when the rest of the world sees you and disappoints you. It's harder when you're the one that disappoints yourself. I guess it depresses me that while the world world may have turned its back on me, my body - my own body would actually betray me as badly.

I'm going to be the best version of me. No more slacking off. I'm not even doing this to be sexy. I'm doing this for me!

This has taught me so much about what I need to do from now on. I'm not young anymore. Back then, I won't exercise and I would feel fine. Now, I crave for vegetables (I guess it's my body's way of saying I need more nutrients than the fried tennis shoe I eat for dinner everyday!) and I crave for fruits and I actually bought an elliptical trainer (Thanks to my brother from another mother, Ivan). The firm and real realization? I need to take care of me, cos no one else will. The dreams of actually having someone cuddle with you while you're sick - not gonna happen. It's more of me now and part of enjoying me, is actually making me healthy and good.

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this post. All photos were obtained legally from Stock Xchng. 
By the way, Candy's disappointed. Read a little bit about the 5 Levels of Disappointment on the Define blog. 

The One with the January Bucket List

The Bucket List was such a moving story for me that I decided to review it years ago! I loved the concept, I credited Jack Nicholson for the beautiful, softer side he showed during the eulogy scene for the death of Morgan Freeman's character. It made me cry, laugh and finally sigh.

The bucket list is a collection of things that you want to do before you die. Every month, I promised to post little things that I wanted to do if I were to die this month. For some reason, I'd rather post about my bucket list towards the middle of the month. I really have the tendency not to tell people what I want to do until I'm sure I want to do it. So here it goes.

Yup, sometimes, you have to believe that you're dying to live. 

Meg's January Bucket List 
1. Get to reconnect with people I haven't seen for a long time.
Status: Done. But January's not over. 
2. Read a good book. Haven't done so for ages!
Status: Uhm, when I get a free weekend off. 
3. Establish a good habit (as opposed to quitting a bad one).
Status: I have posted pics of it. But well, we'll have a month-ender review of the bucket list. 
4. Find an activity partner and go to places you haven't gone to before.
Status: Several activity partners whom I love spending time with! 
5. Learn something new everyday.
Status: Trying to witness the world with wide-eyed wonder (alliterating much?) 

If I was to believe that I'd die tomorrow, I would probably find more things to do. Looking at my life in hindsight, though, I can easily say that I lived my life with no regrets. Adventure doesn't quite thrill me though I would love to know what it feels like to jump off a cliff barely hanging it via a piece of rope. I want to center my life with great and amazing people that can see the good in the world.

It's a fancy, amazing thought to finish everything at a glance. It's just 5 things but some of them, I haven't even started just yet. I am ready to face the world thinking living. Bring it on!

No photographers were harmed during the making of this post. 
All pictures were obtained legally from Stock Xchnge. 

The One with the Rebound

rebound - (n) an undefined period following the break up of a romantic relationship. The term's use dates to at least the 1830s, when Mary Russell Mitford wrote of "nothing so easy as catching a heart on the rebound".

This didn't really make sense to me until a few months ago. To be honest, prior to finding my ex, I always defined rebound as this pharmacological phenomenon of returning symptoms when you discontinue or stop taking a medication <read: pain coming back after you stop taking pain-killers>. 

Right, it could be about basketball too, but then I never really understood basketball! 

Nowadays, being on the rebound means you're physically with someone with little to no emotions and you're just going through the motions of being in a relationship. Perhaps to wean yourself off the pain or being dumped, moreover, to increase your confidence that someone would be with you in a relationship. 

Hard to glue the pieces back together when your heart is broken. 

You can always say that life is somewhat fair. It gives you what you need exactly when you need it. Others turn to friends, some turn to an ex, some turn to their family, some find someone new. And it's always a rebound. 

A couple of months back, there was someone I thought I might have genuine feelings for. He would flirt, he would be affectionate and would talk to me for hours. That affection is gone. Perhaps, he got tired of my obsession to analyze things. Perhaps it was just a fleeting thing. In any case, was he my rebound guy? I would think back and look at his Facebook profile and laugh at his status and always wonder, does he ever look at my status? Would he ever pick up his phone and give me a call and wonder if he ever pursued me, would there be a real chance at a future? All I know is he left me better than he ever found me, and if this is what rebounding is supposed to be, I'm happy he rebounded with me. 

Sometimes, I wonder if I'll ever find a guy that's tall, dark and handsome. Should I settle for a shadow? 

If you ask me if I hate him, no. Am I disappointed? Not really. I expected the worst and hoped for the best. Will I ever find someone "better" than him? Maybe. Who knows? But for now, I am happy that I met him and I was able to express my affection. 

Oh, and the best thing about it is, if he's a drug, I didn't have a "rebound" phenomenon. <scroll up if you forgot what that meant>

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this blog post. 

All photos were taken from Stock Xchnge. 

The One with the Fresh Start

It's a fresh start and I'm slowly learning to let go of things I don't have full control over. I was almost married this year, almost a missus, almost ready to have kids until fate decided to intervene. I decided to leave my old blog behind cos this is the one I want to focus on. I want to see how life is so wonderful and real that I can't want anything else.
I want to chronicle things that I'm doing, as I do them. I want to remember singlehood. I want to inspire myself to pick up the pieces slowly but surely. I can say I'm on my way to full recovery but I want something to remember it by.
I'm bound to make some new waves with this one.

Let me tell you first what I'm about.

I'm a single girl, almost 30, living in the city...
Let me introduce you to my family...

My mom loves making faces.

That's really how they look like.

my friends...

Irish, myself and Chloe, celebrating my 29th!

My favorite family, Ricky, Ela and Cym

At Tutti Frutti, celebrating Cym's baby boy Caleb

Still in the Baby Shower, eating at Rai Rai Ken

I have excellent teammates at work which put up with my crazy shit everyday...

My 26-year old son Ivan, Belle, the LMS Guru and Iris, my smoking buddy

My mean best friend Jessie and his mean best friend Candy

The pictorial we had with our manager, Chase and the coordinator who left us, Charie

It's a crazy and weird existence when you have a single life. I'm not blogging about boys or boyfriends or anything like that... however, I am going to blog about something I have had a love affair with for so long!

Veggies on your shabu-shabu!

Cooking your own food in a Jap resto.

Yummy soup!

Food!!!