The One with the 20-20 Retrospective Vision

Wow, I stopped in August and I totally have myself to blame for this little oversight in my schedule.

After I turned 30, so much has happened. 

Funny picture of a lady stopped short near a car... I'm nowhere near this hot. 

1. I have just taken on so much more projects at work 

Never tried chewing a pen this way, but perhaps I should. 

2. I helped a few friends get a design job - yay for me! 

Totally could have picked more feminine shoes but what the hey... :) 

3. I have met someone... yes... met someone 

Not us, but could be us... :) 

4. I traveled 

Thailand, baby!

5. I signed up for my Masters degree. 

Guess what, ma! I need some tuition!

Yes, I am quite an overachiever. By far, it's been one weird show after another. My life can be considered one heck of a cool sitcom now. I have been enjoying the company of friends, been experiencing new things and totally digging the fact that I am learning so much about myself and my environment now. 

I could say that not updating my blog was not really a plus, however, of the very few, selected people that read this blog, there are so much more experiences that I wish I could actually write about and share with the world - not because it feels amazing but because I feel like people who are going through the same thing would have something to relate to. 

They always say that in retrospect, things are always in 20-20. So here's what I learned by far...

Clearer, baby! 

1. I wanted to be with someone so badly. 

Yes, after my last relationship ended, I wanted so badly to be with someone. It didn't matter who it was, it could have been some weird rebound relationship, it would have given me someone to love and someone to love me back and intimacy (read: not physical) was what I needed. I felt like my ex was never completely open and intimate with me (because of the lack of time spent and everything in between) and so I was constantly needing to validate myself through another man's eyes. 

It's hard to always be part of someone's schedule. 

2. I never enjoyed what I had. 

I have a loving and wonderful family. My friends - I couldn't ask for more. These people know me and would spew truth from mouths over a bitch brew. I had and have a great job. It's like life really equipped me for what I consider to be a great fall. It's like what my friend would always say, you never get it all. The theory is if you find a great job, your love life will be a total decimated mess. She's right. So, enjoy the mess, make mistakes, sleep around (this I haven't really followed yet) and find who you are. 

Ahh... haven't had a "glow" for a while. Lolz! 

3. I was always chasing one high after another and I never stopped to smell the roses well enough to enjoy the next chase.

I think it's pretty self-explanatory, when there's no one to push you to be "better", you push yourself to be better and yet, it never felt like something I would do cos I always chased after what is something people would be after - a better job, a faster and sexier life, a handsome man and a delicious car to boot (Jaguar). I don't even drive! :) So what's the lesson? Back to basics. Pray (if you believe in a God), love (be with family and friends) and live it up (sign up for a class and damned it, baby, there's no need to date around if you don't believe it). 

Everything is a hurdle cos you are so set on the finish line. Sometimes, it's cool to just walk around and ignore the people, places and things around you and just figure out what you want. 

4. I don't want to be anything other than me. 

Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone who told me that everything changes. Evolution is the essence of life. So when men want to sleep with you before they decide whether they like you or not, when men decide to leave you because they can't get everything they need from you, when bosses yell and scream at you because you can't perform the way they want you to, when school pushes you to be a half-beaten zombie at the end of the day because you friggin' asked for it, b*tch, and when friends don't spend time with you because they're married, with children or in a relationship, you have to go with it. It just dawned on me after the conversation that I don't want to sleep with men to figure out if I like them, I refuse to believe that love is dead and can't compromise, I will do my homework when I can and I'm awake and to hell with what everyone thinks in a coffee shop cos I'm alone and drowning in paper and books, I am not going to sit down and be yelled at by my boss cos he/she is simply having a bad day and I will do my best to spend time with friends, even if it means babysitting or enduring a long, winded conversation about motorcycles with their respective boyfriends or the latest Prada collection with their girlfriends, no matter how much you want to shoot yourself after. I am me. I don't have anyone else to love me and to change me just because circumstances tell me to. 

All in, baby! 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read through some of my school stuff. :)

All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng, my leading provider of stock photos.
Thailand pictures taken with an Nokia N8 phone camera. 

The One with the Bumpy Cab Ride

A lot of people don't know this about me but I can actually drive. I just never bothered lining up for a license and never bothered hard enough to get a car. I get by with riding cabs - hey less hassle with the parking and less issues with the bad traffic I have to deal with to get to work or to get home.

Traffic nightly from my place to Makati looks like this.Yes, even at 11PM at night! 

There are days when I'm thankful that I don't drive. When it's raining, for example and the roads are muddied, slippery and jammed with a bumper-to-bumper entourage of cars. Amazingly, just when it's raining and when it's crowded, that's when the mouth of hell opens and spews all the motorists in the world, throw into the mix the maze manipulating, passenger-hoarding jeepneys and you've got yourself a man-made disaster - the Manila traffic.

Not Manila, but close. And if this was Manila, this would be snake-like and not as orderly. 

What is confusing about the traffic is amidst all of this, a normal passenger is still able to manage his/her life throughout. Behind the long queue in train stations across the metro, the hundreds of people trying to steal your cab, the filled jeepneys and let's not forget the FX, the trikes and the other forms of transportation I have yet to ride, there are still people in their offices. Only when you're travelling during rush hour do you see how immensely and densely populated the city is. Isn't it a wonder how we all fit into this tiny city?

Crowded, crowded, crowded. 

So, here I am, soaking wet from the onslaught of monsoon rains, standing in a puddle of what appears to be water, motor oil and some other thick slushy liquid, do I chance upon this cab. I was desperate. I had to get to work because I, just like everyone else, have deadlines to meet (and miles to go before I sleep). I was lucky enough to get his attention (thanks to my ravishing red umbrella).

Everyone needs one. I am telling you! 

I struck up a conversation with the dude driving the cab. Profile: 40 yrs old or so (do you really want to know how I can figure this out?!), kids, wife, driving a cab for some time, can strike up a convo, isn't afraid to ask for more cash if the streets are flooded, safety-minded - meaning he cared whether I locked my doors or not. For some reason, we got into the fact that most passengers tend to be absent-minded and leave their valuables behind. This is where the conversation started getting testy.

Don't leave your cab without it. 

Apparently, the driver has experienced something bad when it comes to returning things. His passenger left her mobile on the cab and after a couple of hours, the phone was ringing. He picked it up. Naturally, the passenger asked for her phone back and he said he's a city away. Quezon City to be exact. The passenger was dropped off in Taguig. The passenger said to return it and she'll take care of the bill. Naturally, the cab driver assumed he'd get at least the running meter for the cab. Lo and behold, when he got to her, all she gave was a 50PhP bill. She was even mad that it took so long. From here on forward, he said, he's never going to return anything to anyone anymore.

Where the *ff are you?! 

Obviously, trying to reason with someone that has that mindset won't work. I tried questions and other means of making this guy realize that karma does exist and it bites you back tenfold and yet, I guess that harrowing experience taught him that doing good isn't always going to reward you.

Maybe all the dude wanted was a thumbs-up? 

I was honestly alarmed. It's kind of sad that people have lost all sense of goodwill towards others? It's not just the cab driver, it's the lady passenger who handed the driver a 50 and basically said "get lost". Then there's the driver who in his intentions got lost, thinking he needed a reward for the things he did. Isn't the reward of a good deed the act itself? I'm not going to launch into a litany of anachronistic phrases from the Bible, some gentleman's code from the 1800's or some old English poet, but when you think about it, doesn't it alarm you that people out there won't even give you the time of the day even if it's a good deed anyhow?

All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng, my leading provider of stock photos.

The One with the Gray Flannel Life

You're working a 9 to 5 job and you're haplessly scouring crowds for the next available cab. The influx of people can be likened to a tsunami - the wave of gray, blue and brown tops all around you drown out your white shirt. Rush hour traffic is pouring in and you just can't, for the life of you, understand why the hell the city is populated with so many people. You now wonder where the hell these people are coming from and just irritatingly think - where the heck do you guys work - only cos you don't remember having that much colleagues or people in your building. 

This is New York and this is kind of like how a Manila traffic cam looks like as you cruise along EDSA.

I work in Makati, the most densely-populated business hub/industrial zone/BPO central/nightlife and lifestyle domicile/residential city in the entire Metro Manila. If you've ever been here, there is no heck way you would want to live here. Maybe because of the proximity to work, but other than that, the traffic is infernal, the queue to any type of food service is eternal and the heat (thanks to the thousands of people taking the train with you, or ribbing you to get the next available cab) has no interval (I had to rhyme there...). 

GT Tower in Makati. Just a few blocks away from virtually any other building. 

Forget finding some common ground with the rest of the business populace. Every day is a rat race - it's a long-enduring marathon to the office, followed by a bike ride uphill and downhill to your boss' heart (and if you're fortunate enough to have multiple bosses to please, your bosses' hearts and sometimes, even liver and lungs - think alcohol and ciggies) and a long brisk walk to the end of the day, to which the endurance marathon begins again as you do the diurnal exodus to your respective city. 

Some people prefer the fastest way out from the business hub every day. I'd rather ride a cab than get ribbed, suffer microfractures on my back and shoulder bones and maybe an occasional bruise here and there. Why there was this one time that my shirt lost a button amidst the chaos in the train. 

A few months ago, I had the choice of trading my offbeat, colorful, chunky clothes for a gray flannel suit. I won't say where or how or why, but I was given the opportunity to join a leading financial institution. I did my part - filling out forms, long interviews, having time snatched away from you in a long and winding waiting room/lounge for applicants as you listen to their company anthem over and over and over and over and over (and over and over and over again until you want to slash your wrists off using the blunt side of your phone or maybe using the twine used to sew your purse). They offered a wonderful remuneration package... a car loan, a good salary, bonuses, other packages that other companies (BPOs to be exact) can't provide. The catch is working from 9 to 5 and maybe even beyond that. 

Obviously, I'm not this hot. She's wearing the gray flannel suit much better than me. 

I wasn't ready to give up my freedom. Call it my last hurrah or my child-like impulses or the need to have fun in my job, but it dawned on me that I wasn't ready nor wanting the gray flannel life. It was an associate manager position and their employees have stayed with them for years, some even counting decades of sheer dedicated and disciplined work. I was going to handle a team, and report to a director of sorts and yet my heart was sinking. I felt it in the pit of my stomach. I politely asked to think about it and decided against all rational and logical thought that I should reconsider my current position. 

Not that ready to be chained to hardcore corporate just yet...

I want a team that's dynamic, that's fervent and teeming with energy. I want work that changes as times change. I want marketing and communication and learning and training and passion - yes, passion in my work. Passion in the written word, passion in letting someone learn from you and learning something from someone. Engaging someone. Involving someone. Firing-up their senses and stabilizing culture and intent. Training is my passion and to be confined or boxed in a boundary was just too much for me. I foresaw myself having to ask for approval per protocol I was going to implement. I saw myself barking against a wall of corporate suits that won't listen to a word I say because their company has simply existed long before my parents were even born and will probably exist long after I'm gone. I guess that is what I'm against, corporate red-tape that would otherwise kill my mojo. 

Am I regretting my decision, that's why I'm writing about this experience? Not really. I realized I'm not a purist. I am not someone direly in need of a grown-up, mature job. I sincerely appreciate the hustle and bustle of a corporate jungle in the guise of a playground. 

All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng. 

The One with the Prowess

I had a quick talk with a younger family member of a good friend. She currently works for a BPO and has mentioned that as an agent, she does pretty well but her scorecards change so often that she gets so confused about what to follow and what to expect next. 

BPO personnel often think that they should always change it up. 

I figured I'd talk to her and find out more about what she wants. She opened up and told me that she wants to be a coach someday. I asked her what she's doing about it and she said, nonchalantly, that's fine. It's all politics. You can date an OM (Operations Manager) and next week become a supervisor. 

That really troubled the heck out of me. I was never the type to rub elbows intentionally. If I see them, I'll say hello, offer them a smoke or a cup of coffee (if we have some handy) and if I encounter them in a resto, I'd of course walk over and say hello. 

Losers wear a frown and smilers wear a crown! Booyah! 

I do a lot of sideline work, and special marketing and consulting projects tend to make you seem more popular than you are, especially if they're Chinese businessmen and they just want some marketing or campaign letters, newsletters or magazine ads. I bump into them in the doctor's office, near my old school, inside a mall boutique and yep, sometimes, while walking home from the nearby drugstore. So, yes, I do walk over, say hello, speak in their vernacular and tell them that I hope they contact me soon for more pictures or web templates or marketing pieces. But I figured, it's only because I'm selling myself (not myself literally!). And let's face it, in the project-contractual world, we don't have scorecards. We only have face value, a hard copy and a soft copy that can be replicated by 10,000 other Six Sigma, SDI and Industrial Manufacturing certified personnel in the field. 

Talking to her, this is when I remembered what I had written in my journal when I was younger. I was so pissed off. One of the high school classmates I had was "voted" an editor. Yes, the high school paper's editorial board was actually voted. They were not judged based on writing skills or knowledge of lay-outs or who's been in the group long, it was an election, which obviously turned out to be a major popularity contest. I had a diary then that would lock in front and I had the key with me at all times. Thanks to Ondoy (International Name: Ketsana), I was able to unearth the diary and I jammed the lock out, allowing me to review and read what I had written so long ago. 

I remember sitting by a tree in the school and writing about it while trying so hard not to cry.

It's never who you know, it's always who you are... Never mistake perception for personality, never assume power for prowess and never take pertinence for passion. 

I was 15, I was miffed and I can't understand why on earth would people choose someone popular and not someone who can do the job? Why does it matter who your clique is? Why can't you get a job or a position based on how efficiently you did? 

I looked at my younger friend across the table. I told her fine, rub elbows, but be sure you're competent enough cos people who can't simply won't. 

All photos are taken official from Stock Xchng. 

The One with the Dreary Tales Part 1

Thanks to those who voted on my side panel about what you want to read about. Because a few people asked for it, fine, fine, I'll give you a peek into my love life (or lack thereof). These will be random musing because, I am technically, not allowed to write about love since I don't feel that for anyone or anything at this point. 

Disclaimer: This is a post about love. Yes, love. How I see it now, how I used to see it and all that ballyhoo. If you're not the type to read about something this cheesy and loving, go ahead and skip through and just read this... Link

When I was a little girl, I was read fairy tales before I went to sleep. It was narrated how Cinderella, in her patience and grace, came to snag Prince Charming. I marveled at how Snow White's sheer beauty was enough to stop a hot guy in his tracks and kiss her, despite the creep factor (remember the Enchanted Forest?!) and 7 stocky dwarfs, because he simply can't resist. I was amazed at how Rapunzel's hope was enough to give her strength to wait for her Batman (and I call him Batman cos he used her hair as his utility belt). Finally, Beauty was so kind and loving to Beast, no matter how monstrous he was, that she was able to change him from jerk to McDreamy in a snap. 

They tend to live happily ever after. 

Those fairy tales made sense. It was a girl, a princess or a commoner, whose heart was golden and had purity, grace and honesty weaved into their characters. She always "meets" a prince, whether by accident, by luck or just plain fate. It was like it was written in their destinies. It was bewildering how they'd find their princes cos they lived in far away lands! Why would anyone want to gallop into the wilderness, only to find love?

Men have supposedly ridden into the sunset while dreaming of their fair maidens. 

So, maybe I'm not beautiful, pure and golden-hearted enough to warrant a man? Sometimes, I really think that way. I mean, it's not as if I have a committed and loving man by my side, eagerly awaiting until I come home to ask me for dinner or lunch. Sometimes, I wonder if it's also the reason why my first serious relationship didn't pan out. Was I not good enough, was I too much to handle, was I unfair or unjust? It's too much of an anxiety for me to even figure it out.

Was I the bad, rotten apple of his life? 

A good friend once told me that whatever it was that happened with me and the ex, it was better left to the past. Primarily because he won't have anything to do with me anyhow. If I died today, he probably won't even flinch because he already made his decision and if he ever says he cares, it's not true. He is only guilty when he reaches out and to "kill the guilt", he needs to know I'm alright and happy. Sometimes, I think what he says is true. He makes sense so much that it makes me wonder why I even try sometimes to make my ex feel comfortable about a friendship. The truth of the matter is, I think I may have feelings for him still. No one gets rid of that easily. If you loved someone for 5 years, believed you'd be married to that person and built rainbows and butterflies around a dream that involved the two of you, there's no way you can just wake up one morning and tell yourself, 'ahhh, it's over'. I admit, it still breaks my heart to know he has someone new, someone better perhaps, someone that he will take a bullet for, over me but I have to be happy for him, cos that person may be the key to his happiness.

All the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the little princess' heart back together again... 

This made me believe that the fairy tale is over. The fairy tale that never began was over before I knew it. No unicorns, no dwarfs, no nymphs, no rainbows, no magic spells, no enchanted forests, no loving kisses and more importantly, no prince charming.

Another friend told me that "My prince charming has already been run over in a highway or freeway somewhere, along with his white horse..." That sucks. 

And when you think friends can console you, that just made it a little worse for me (no offense meant to my friends)... People think that after a break-up, you're supposed to enjoy and live life and party like crazy. I did that. I would be high on times when I was dancing, living it up, eating with friends, drinking like crazy and then when you come home, you crash. You remember. You get reminded of the tears and the apologies and you bawl in one corner of your room, hoping no one in your family can hear you and think to yourself, oh God, what kind of concealer and eye drop would I be using this time? What was so hard for me to do was to show them any sort of emotion. It was sad because I kept myself from crying in front of them. It wasn't their fault, nor was it something they imposed on me, but I felt like I couldn't put them through so much. They have been with me with every fight, every argument I've ever had with my ex. I felt like bringing them there, to a point of sheer destruction, being left alone, being left in the altar, being abandoned was just unfair. Friends were there, not knowing I had eye drops and concealer every time I'd leave my room, not knowing I cried every night, for 30 minutes in one corner of my room, praying to God to take me or take my pain away. I hid it from my family as well, because in their opinion, I was lucky. God protected me from a possible hurtful and painful experience.

No more of these... 

Fast forward almost a year since he first broke up with me, there are still feelings and I'm not going to lie about. The pain isn't as strong. God kept His end of the bargain cos He hasn't taken me yet. I won't wake up in the middle of the night crying and I won't come home baffling my cab driver cos I've been crying in the cab... I would be okay. I functioned well and I am still learning everyday. Every day, I take as a challenge. As I come home, I find something to do. I accept jobs for graphic design, I talk with friends, I watch TV, I read a book, I blog, I subscribe to silly feeds over the net, I do something... anything to keep my mind off him and what might have been. Does it help? A little. A little at a time. One bit at a time. I guess that's how you get back on your feet. You don't stand up after a fall, you slowly and gradually get back on your feet, cos the second tumble will hurt more.

Trying to recover from the pain isn't easy. 

Do I still love him? Yes. Do I do something to get him back? No. Do I want him back? I don't know. 

People come and go, that's what fairy tales fail to tell you. They teach you lessons, they show you what's right from wrong, and enables you to form an ideal in your head. It allows you to dream. It gives you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside and tells you to go for things. It never teaches you how to deal with a broken heart or how to cope when no man comes and sweeps you off your feet. It never teaches you what to do with pain or hurt or disappointment.

But it teaches you hope... and someday, my fairy tale will be told. I don't doubt it for one minute.

No photographers were harmed during the making of this post. All pictures are linked and obtained legally from Stock Xchng. 

The One with the Break from Work

Have you ever had a work-day that was so productive that all you ever want to do when you head home is actually pig out? Well, sometimes, work can be overwhelming, and you deserve some comfort food. So here's our version of comfort food.

Teriyaki Boy at Jupiter 

Now with Low-Salt Alternatives! 

Jessie wanted some yogurt and I wanted some comfort food so badly. I wanted some ramen and some good nori-wrapped Tamago Sushi. I was hooked on that stuff.

Jessie had some Agedashi Tofu and that is some crispy-fried tofu bathed in some light soy sauce broth, topped with some benito flakes and daikon and of course, freshly-sliced Maguro sashimi, which is freshly caught yellowfin tuna. No Japanese meal is complete without raw fish!

Jessie's meal - Agedashi Tofu and some Maguro Sashimi

While Jessie went for the classics, I went for the stereotypical... I wanted some comfort food, cos I was feeling down and out from the long, long day. I had some seafood ramen. It could have been any seafood ramen, but they kind of make this one special. White noodles, dory fish, shrimp, squid balls and some hard-boiled eggs fill the bowl along with carrots and baby bok choy.

I went with some piping-hot ramen. It's noodle-licious! It's filled with veggies, some dory fish, squid balls and shrimp. You got to love some seafood ramen. 

I won't forget my Teriyaki Boy favorite of course, and it's this little concoction. It's some sweet omelette and some vinegared rice, covered in nori.

Some delicious Tamago sushi - definitely something to love. 

I realize that it's not my first time to post about Japan this week. Still praying for recovery for Japan and if it means anything to you all, no Japanese food would ever taste the same until you know that they people who's supposed to be enjoying it should be enjoying it in good health and safely, too.

Teriyaki Boy is all around the metro. Go ahead and click on their site and find a store near you.
Japan still needs help. CBS News was kind enough to sum up what needs to be done.

The One with the Depression

So here I am, at home, very sick and wondering why on earth did I go online. Oh right, I was supposed to work on something too. I figured since I'm breaking the cardinal rule of bed rest (which is being in my chair and not in bed), I might as well tell you a little bit of what I've been feeling.

No pill made me feel better. And vitamin C - I freakin' miss you!

Day 1: Friday 
Temperature: 38.5 - 39 degrees Celsius
Appetite: So-so. I needed to eat. 
Tonsils: Not so inflamed. Kinda scratchy. 
Demeanor: Meh, I needed to sleep. 
I have been sick for almost a week now - wait, it has been a week. I was in bed when I started having chills and severe body pain. If you want to torture me, I can endure almost any kind of pain - I have had migraines since I was a kid, my ovary has 16 or so different cysts that never seem to leave me be, I have had toothaches and root canals and I've had an accident that caused me to have a lopsided nose (think Owen Wilson, only sexier...), but never ever ever give me a sick headache with body pains cos that would cause my head to go spinning around so badly. Also, a bad flu makes my lymph nodes swell so badly that I actually feel them fighting the infection. It wasn't bad that I had a fever, what was bad was what I was feeling - the fever made me feel so weak and almost dying (how dramatic).

Not as pretty when I'm sick, but you get the idea! 

This is how I know that if I ever contract HIV, I will die on the spot, cos my lymph nodes would probably burst out of my neck and will kill me in that very instant.

Day 2-3: Saturday - Sunday 
Temperature: 39-39.5 degrees Celsius
Appetite: No appetite at all...
Tonsils: Inflamed as heck. Can't talk too much. I keep gargling salt water and suckling on lozenges. I was almost 100% positive that it was strep throat.
Demeanor: Irritable as hell! Coughing didn't help. Plus my back felt tense and pained. 
It's a "kill me now" moment. I felt so damned weak. I didn't realize that the AC was on, or that the fan was on, I was cold all the time. I stayed in bed the whole 24 hours of each day and I wouldn't even want to eat. I hated any food. Nothing tasted like anything it should. I had chicken which tasted like cardboard and rice that tasted like gooey cardboard. I had beef that tasted like corrugated paper with a little soy sauce in it. My dad is an excellent cook and he puts of soul and love into each dish but man, that weekend was so bad that if you gave me super fiery Indian food, I'd probably say that their Fontina has gone bad.

Looks appetizing, right?! Didn't do anything for me. 

I hated the fact that I didn't have anyone to come to for some TLC. I have to admit that family is there all the time. My mom would check my temperature and would SMS me even when she's in the market. She got me bananas to munch on. She even got me a bottle of Gatorade cos I wouldn't eat anything. But I was really hoping for someone to kind of cuddle with me. I know it's gross and disgusting to be bundled in a comforter with someone snotty and probably has germs all around her but it would have been amazing to have a hug from someone that cared enough.

Day 4: Monday 
Temperature: Back to kinda normal - 38 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: Not much appetite, tried to eat anyhow. 
Tonsils: Gargling was a good idea. It made me feel a little better. I really thought I could come to work then. 
Demeanor: Hopeful that I was gonna be well enough to get to work. 
What the heck was happening?! I wasn't normal anymore. I felt weak but I felt so hopeful and I was wishing for nothing more than normalcy - the office, the carpeted floors, my huge screen, my modules... Alas, I was wrong. Come night time, my fever spiked up and I suddenly had no energy to go anywhere. I sent an SMS to my boss, Chase and told him I'll go to the doctor.

Got an expensive doctor, BTW. General and Cancer Surgeon - Dr. Raymond Natividad. Apparently, the dude had a "line" even though you've called in and begged for a 10.30 appointment. The dude is a genius! I think my HMO is a little crazy cos they automatically associated me with cancer. (My aunt had non-Hodgekin's Lymphoma, go figure.)

Day 5: Tuesday 
Temperature: 38.5 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: None at all. 
Tonsils: Swollen as heck. Exudative, apparently. 
Demeanor: Pissed off at the laboratory people for making me wait so long for a blood extraction. 
Dr. Natividad saw me for the first time and did all the tests - he tested for pneumonia and bronchitis and decided right then and there that I didn't have cancer. He even ordered a blood count and a urinalysis, was worried about a rash that I had in my tummy area (cos that's a side effect) and my eyes. I love this doctor, no matter how exorbitant the fees are. He made me purchase the most expensive antibiotics (and to think I'm a pharmacist!) and made me promise that I'll stay in bed for the rest of week.

I went to work that night to file for my leave and to finish some crazy last minute meetings with my SMEs before deploying a project. I know, I know, I was crazy to come to work. After that long day, I slept like a baby! I was told to expect worse high-grade fevers cos he diagnosed me with Acute Exudative Tonsillopharyngitis. I was supposedly non-contagious until I start making out with someone (again, a single girl joke - why won't people let up?!).

Men think that unless I look like this, I won't do. 

I came to work and I'm glad I saw my friends there. Ivan, Candy, Jessie - I love just being surrounded by people that I've come to respect and love, thanks to work. And also, you know, no matter how feverish I was, I didn't feel the need to complain about it, cos it's natural. I attended all my meetings and thankfully, Sonja approved my leave. I've been on bed rest since Wednesday evening til now.

Now
Temperature: 38 degrees Celsius 
Appetite: A little, I had chicken. Woohoo!
Tonsils: Better now, I feel a little more comfy swallowing and relaxing my neck. 
Demeanor: Chill. :) 
I'm sick still. On my last day of bed rest, I hope the worst is over cos I feel a little bit better. My back is still tense but I'm sweating so that's a good sign, right? I'm hoping that when I get sick again this year, it won't be this bad.

I'm not going to lie. All throughout those days when I needed bed rest, all I could think about was why was it happening to me. I'm a good person, I am a real team player, I actually work my ass off and I'm trying hard to make a difference in my world. Last year, when my life was suddenly and abruptly turned upside down by a personal tragedy, I figured God must not send out lightning to strike twice. Like I always tell people, it's bad enough when the rest of the world sees you and disappoints you. It's harder when you're the one that disappoints yourself. I guess it depresses me that while the world world may have turned its back on me, my body - my own body would actually betray me as badly.

I'm going to be the best version of me. No more slacking off. I'm not even doing this to be sexy. I'm doing this for me!

This has taught me so much about what I need to do from now on. I'm not young anymore. Back then, I won't exercise and I would feel fine. Now, I crave for vegetables (I guess it's my body's way of saying I need more nutrients than the fried tennis shoe I eat for dinner everyday!) and I crave for fruits and I actually bought an elliptical trainer (Thanks to my brother from another mother, Ivan). The firm and real realization? I need to take care of me, cos no one else will. The dreams of actually having someone cuddle with you while you're sick - not gonna happen. It's more of me now and part of enjoying me, is actually making me healthy and good.

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this post. All photos were obtained legally from Stock Xchng. 
By the way, Candy's disappointed. Read a little bit about the 5 Levels of Disappointment on the Define blog. 

The One with the Portugese Restaurant

I originally started this blog to be a little bit more adventurous about food. I have been finicky and picky about food ever since I was a little girl. I would choose not to eat at certain places when I feel that it's too commercial (cos come on, who likes to eat fried breading when you're supposed to be eating chicken, right?). Amazingly, I found a restaurant right outside my office that offered great food. 

I'm someone that likes great experiences. I honestly don't mind spending for food if it means great company, amazing beverages and best of all, it's something I won't see off a 24-hour convenience store. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some entitled person that would only eat at the more expensive restos. I would gladly eat at a hole-in-the-wall place if it could offer me something good.  

Fast food burgers are fun only when you don't have time to enjoy yourself. 

I remember, while working for Merlin, I would eat burgers every single day. Why? Cos it's convenient. McDonald's was a 5-minute walk away. I would leave the burger joint with a whopping chicken sandwich (chicken fillet deep-fried to artery clogging goodness, dripping with mayo), large fries (dripping in bad cholesterol) and a huge Coke light (to which the lady in the counter would always give me Coke). It was almost too easy and too convenient to think of food as a way to get by the day and to give you a spurt of energy that you need to train someone, or to come up with a confounding 3-page report of which agent has taken what course or to compute for the ROI of getting people into some 100,000Php training in Ateneo. It's so easy to not think of yourself as a person when your work gets the better of you. Moreover, it's easy to always think you're invincible to artery-clogging elements in food when you're not really thinking of yourself to begin with. 

Now, I kind of know better. Working for StarTek, I'm glad I found people who appreciate good food like I do and tend to think that McDonald's and/or Jollibee would give us heart attack on a bun soon enough. I came in early to work one day and glad I asked a very hungry Belle to eat with me. 

The strip along Jupiter is peppered with date places. It's odd to ask a friend (or a couple of friends) to head into one of those restaurants and sample their best sellers, or to ask for wine and fish or steak. I have always had that mindset - that restaurants tend to be for couples and fast food is for singles. So, I'm pretty glad that people around me don't tend to be as narrow-minded as me. 

It's this nice place called O'sonho in Jupiter. It's got amazing food about and it's a Portugese fusion resto-bar that is open until 11PM (we know cos we stopped by at 10.30PM and it seems like they're about to close). The great thing I can tell you about it is the good service we got from the people. It seems almost too good to be true. 

O'sonho's Peppermint Fishbowl Iced Tea - great for sharing. That's Belle with the bowl. I was half-expecting fish, but hey... That would be a little bit freaky. 

Salmon croquettes as starters 

That's some dory fish fillet swimming in some great saffron sauce. Can someone say yum?! 

They have Peri Peri chicken which swims in some saffron sauce too, with some rosemary rice. I also got to sample some Spinach salad that was cooked to perfection.

It's easy to settle for everyday meals when you're single. I guess it's easy to settle for something when you're single, period. But sometimes, life has a way to let you experience the best in life, with or without anyone. So what are you waiting for? Drive your car to the nearest "date place" you can think of and sample a dish. Trust me, a love affair with yourself is better than no love affair at all.

All pictures of the food (and Belle) were taken with a NokiaE72. The only business phone which I will invest in. 
The burger picture was legally obtained from Stock Xchng. 
Belle is an LMS Administrator who has worked for StarTek for over a couple of years now. Belle has promised me that she will take me on more culinary adventures. 

The One with the Anniversary

I took a quick hiatus from the world of online blogging the past few weeks to focus on something I needed to do for myself. In case you're wondering if it's part of my bucket list, I would say it's part of my happy list. While most people have been wondering about what to do for Valentine's Day and how to find the love they long to have, I have been busy finding time for all the crazy activities I wanted to have for this month.

I still have yet to read Outliers. I know I've had that since December and I still haven't managed to read it. I have been meaning to get a massage and I just choose to waste whatever free time I have on either TV or sleep. I have been wanting to try out several restaurants and yet all I actually do is settle with some fast food quick fix (and the McDonalds Twister Fries are AWESOME!!!) and finally, I have been wanting to do the "in" thing and run a marathon (hey, a fun run would do) and my treadmill hasn't seen the light of day. It's still occluded (read: buried) under my clothes.

So ever wonder why I'm always busy? I have this conference call, that issue to deal with, this director to please and this course to deploy. 

An email I sent out to my entire team. 

I turned one StarTek year old! 

I wanted to thank my team for making me feel like I'm home. I have set-out last year wanting so badly to belong (ergo, almost getting married) and now, I feel like I do. I have wonderful mentors, like my mean best friend James and my "Positive Polly" Candy and I have a corporate US boss that I love a lot. I have Ivan who doubles as my son and my best friend at work at the same time (primarily cos we work in partnership a lot with some admin tasks). I have great friends at work and a lot of perspective. My SMEs have been great. There's Dan, the director of Human Resources, whom I have come to love and enjoy the company of, cos he's just a lot of ideas in an hour's meeting. There's Kevin and Judy from Finance whom I think the world of. There's a lot of development going on and if I can ask for one thing, I'd ask for one thing only - a higher salary, lolz. 

The One with the Appreciation

I recently got a package from my boss, Senior Training Manager, Sonja. This is the first time someone actually gave me a stationery set with my name on it!

Cute pattern, and I'm glad she didn't choose hearts and butterflies for me. She chose a pattern she probably saw from a dress I wore, or perhaps a notebook scribble she saw when she attended a meeting with me. 

Intentionally took a fuzzy shot, I like mystery. If you google my name, you might see something shocking! Hahaha! 

Yes, she calls me Megz. 

I even got a tag that says "enjoy". I love it! 

Sonja, love, love, love it!