The One with the Online Dating Game

A friend asked me the other day what I want the man I will end up with to have. I looked at him and realized that I had no real answer. My entire team (God bless their hearts) have been hard-up in finding me a man to be with. For whatever reason, I don't quite know yet, but I'm thinking that they think I need to be "happy" and finding the love of my life will ease me into a more relaxed state of mind. 

Because nobody wants to work with a b*tch, perhaps? 

Apart from the fact that I have learned almost nothing about dating in the past hiatus I have given myself, because of schoolwork, office work and some other work I have been doing (Ahahaha! This mainly means sleeping and getting a fatter a$$!), I have learned that waiting is almost inevitable in my life. 

There are days of absolute horror and I will be honest about it. There are days when you know for certain that there is no one out there - no one can ever make you feel good about yourself and you become resigned to the current status quo - that love is dead and there is only you to fend for your own sanity in this cruel, malicious and vile world. Then there are days when you try. 

In fact, I tried. I joined a dating site. 

Queue romantic music here... 

(Total shameless disclaimer: I consider everyone a candidate, much like I'm the boss and you're applying for a job. And yes, I know I don't really have the right to judge people based solely on my own personal yardsticks but I presume you know I'm single, and looking for the right guy, so for a lack of a better, polictically-correct term, I will heretofore, call them candidates. And if you don't like it, you can go check out other feel-good single-girl, non-sarcastic blog posts...) 

Candidate Number 1: The Grammarian

Just for purposes of a visual representation. He's totally not this guy, but well, he didn't look like this guy either. 

Let's call him Emmett, because the name sounds so "safe" and almost noble, like a teacher. I met Emmett online and we were an instant hit. I loved the way he intelligently formed words and sent them to me with almost minimal effort. The dating site had a chat function so we were chatting immediately. We then moved on to emailing, then to SMS, then Facebook, then more and more and more SMS. What was so amazing about it was that I didn't hide anything. It's not like I can hide ALL my pictures on Facebook... and he mentioned how cute I was (despite the pictures of my heavy-set frame crowding an entire picture...) Everyday was so amazingly happy with Emmett, because he was just a joy to talk with. If I can print a transcript of our conversations, it was fluid, happy, light and for some reason, even in the advent of SMS language, we both made sure that our messages to and from were of impeccable grammar. I even joked about it... I said that impeccable grammar turns me on (cos Lord knows mine isn't, let not my previous employers in the English school find this out). Everything about Emmett was perfect - perfect on paper, perfect in messages, he had this aura about him that I found to be so noble and sweet. He was after all, a teacher (for purposes of this blog, no one will know what he really is). Until one day, the messages stopped. No more emails, chats, his Facebook account is still open and we're still friends, but his timeline seemed to have more "chicks" than well, the other kind. I sleuth around some more and realized that his Facebook account is a collection of all these beautiful women. Some younger than me, some older, some of the same age, some of the sexy type, others looking slightly average, others looking just like me. I messaged him one last time (cos you know, I don't really have an ounce of dignity left... and yes, yes, I thought we had a real connection) and nada. 

I want to say I was depressed and life stopped. Of course, it didn't. I realized Emmett had a connection with all these women. Emmett is the serial adder on Facebook who messages you, makes you feel great about yourself and then targets the next hottie he fixates on, and that's fine. That's his thing and no one really has the right to say whether it's right or wrong. It's just that the last message we exchanged was about him and how he had problems as a child and he's overcome it. Imagine knowing that much about a person yet he doesn't seem to want to know any more about you or share more about himself. Now I know for a fact that some people may have a connection with you but may not necessarily find it to be enough to formally date you. 

It took 2 weeks for me to finally decide to close this one out. I was not really shocked, it's just that normally, guys who are shallow leave you for your looks, guys who are deeper leave you because they think you're shallow, now how am I going to classify this guy? Maybe my grammar wasn't impeccable? Did I say something wrong? Did I have that one picture on Facebook that he totally can't stand? Did I push too hard? Did I say too much? Did I say too little? I guess we'll never know. 

Candidate Number 2: The Sexy Foreigner 

He sort of looks like this guy. Only you know, bigger and stronger.  :) Enjoy ladies. Lolz. 

So around the time that Emmett "came to his senses", this guy was hanging around. Let's call him Mac, short for Machiavelli. A handsome and sensual man that has come to haunt my senses and made me feel NOT like a lady. Before you jump into any weird conclusions, he is a candidate, ergo, nothing happened. For some weird reason, any Prince Charming I meet online turns out to be a real mirage. 

Mac is a mixed-breed. His father is Middle Eastern, with a mix of Greek and a little of Filipino. He speaks languages too exotic to believe. He owns his own business. He has a kick-ass car. He has his own ways and means to woo anyone he meets. He met me online, and this is because I find him too irresistible, not because of a connection, I ended up giving him my number. The funny thing is when he added me on Facebook, he saw so many mutual friends. Guess what? Mac knows my friends and my friends know Mac. 

I feel like a cougar when I speak with him because he's only 28, but obviously way more accomplished than me. Even friends who know him say that he is quite the Prince. I obviously didn't want to let on that I am thinking of dating him. I just casually asked, and said I met him somewhere. So messages came EVERY DAY for almost 2 months. Not particularly sweet messages but very consistently, he would SMS or email or something... Just to make me feel his presence I guess. Keep in mind that I had a deeper, more meaningful connection with Emmett, and I didn't really mind just replying to Mac. He had a casual way about him. Cool. Calm. Very collected... Almost nonchalant. No drama. When Emmett stopped talking to me, I realized it was time to focus on Mac. 

Focusing on Mac meant one thing - be sexy. And when I say "be sexy", I don't mean be physically sexy. Keep in mind that on Facebook, there was nothing I hid. I wanted to know if the shallowness will kick in anytime soon, and yet Mac still hung on. So being sexy meant actually replying to some of the sexy things he would tell me on SMS or email. Did I mean everything I said, uhm, maybe? But I was more curious about what he was thinking of rather than what he was saying. 

For two straight months, we were sort of into each other. There are days when he would say that he needs me and there are days when I would say I need him. Then there are days when we are both quiet because work got in the way, or for me, schoolwork too. But never was there a day that messages didn't come - sometimes, it's a "good morning" or a "had lunch" SMS, but messages came. There are times when schedule didn't allow for us to see each other because he travels a lot and there are days when we were just simply lucky. 

So before Valentines' Day, we had a lucky streak. He had some time off for lunch and my schedule allowed for us to actually have lunch - not just a smoke break or a quick line up at Starbucks and get some coffee break. He talked about his ex and how he was really hurt when she left. He talked about his work. He talked about the stress and how he's sorry that he wasn't able to spend more time with me. Then the "talk" came. Unluckily, not from me. It was an invitation for a weekend together - which technically is a night together, I realized. It honestly felt very awkward. Don't get me wrong, it felt amazing but it felt awkward. Maybe in my mind, I was still looking for the connection - the spark, the fireworks, everything... At the back of my mind, I was mentally computing times and dates, like what's to happen if he's overseas and I'm here, alone and I need to talk to him? What happens when we want to get serious? Should we tell our friends? Are we open to telling people about us? What about the age difference? I'm older and surely that's something his parents would say something about it, or worse, his friends. Are we now exclusively dating? Am I now a girlfriend? What's going on? And so I asked, as casually and as composed as I should be... "What happens after we spend that time together?" to which he replied "We'll see...". 

I'm sure he read what's on my mind. I looked awkward. I looked scared. And when he was delivering that line, he also looked awkward and scared, maybe a little bit more than I was. 

I'm not going to bore you with the next few days and what had transpired next. The main point is, sometimes, people aren't ready. I found a consistent, handsome and wonderful Prince that wasn't quite ready to move on yet. Scary part is, I realized I wasn't ready too. All the talking and the messaging and the meet-ups and the "I'm into you" moments were born of sheer fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life. 

Maybe, just maybe, the online dating game isn't for me.


All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng, my leading provider of stock photos.

The One with the 20-20 Retrospective Vision

Wow, I stopped in August and I totally have myself to blame for this little oversight in my schedule.

After I turned 30, so much has happened. 

Funny picture of a lady stopped short near a car... I'm nowhere near this hot. 

1. I have just taken on so much more projects at work 

Never tried chewing a pen this way, but perhaps I should. 

2. I helped a few friends get a design job - yay for me! 

Totally could have picked more feminine shoes but what the hey... :) 

3. I have met someone... yes... met someone 

Not us, but could be us... :) 

4. I traveled 

Thailand, baby!

5. I signed up for my Masters degree. 

Guess what, ma! I need some tuition!

Yes, I am quite an overachiever. By far, it's been one weird show after another. My life can be considered one heck of a cool sitcom now. I have been enjoying the company of friends, been experiencing new things and totally digging the fact that I am learning so much about myself and my environment now. 

I could say that not updating my blog was not really a plus, however, of the very few, selected people that read this blog, there are so much more experiences that I wish I could actually write about and share with the world - not because it feels amazing but because I feel like people who are going through the same thing would have something to relate to. 

They always say that in retrospect, things are always in 20-20. So here's what I learned by far...

Clearer, baby! 

1. I wanted to be with someone so badly. 

Yes, after my last relationship ended, I wanted so badly to be with someone. It didn't matter who it was, it could have been some weird rebound relationship, it would have given me someone to love and someone to love me back and intimacy (read: not physical) was what I needed. I felt like my ex was never completely open and intimate with me (because of the lack of time spent and everything in between) and so I was constantly needing to validate myself through another man's eyes. 

It's hard to always be part of someone's schedule. 

2. I never enjoyed what I had. 

I have a loving and wonderful family. My friends - I couldn't ask for more. These people know me and would spew truth from mouths over a bitch brew. I had and have a great job. It's like life really equipped me for what I consider to be a great fall. It's like what my friend would always say, you never get it all. The theory is if you find a great job, your love life will be a total decimated mess. She's right. So, enjoy the mess, make mistakes, sleep around (this I haven't really followed yet) and find who you are. 

Ahh... haven't had a "glow" for a while. Lolz! 

3. I was always chasing one high after another and I never stopped to smell the roses well enough to enjoy the next chase.

I think it's pretty self-explanatory, when there's no one to push you to be "better", you push yourself to be better and yet, it never felt like something I would do cos I always chased after what is something people would be after - a better job, a faster and sexier life, a handsome man and a delicious car to boot (Jaguar). I don't even drive! :) So what's the lesson? Back to basics. Pray (if you believe in a God), love (be with family and friends) and live it up (sign up for a class and damned it, baby, there's no need to date around if you don't believe it). 

Everything is a hurdle cos you are so set on the finish line. Sometimes, it's cool to just walk around and ignore the people, places and things around you and just figure out what you want. 

4. I don't want to be anything other than me. 

Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone who told me that everything changes. Evolution is the essence of life. So when men want to sleep with you before they decide whether they like you or not, when men decide to leave you because they can't get everything they need from you, when bosses yell and scream at you because you can't perform the way they want you to, when school pushes you to be a half-beaten zombie at the end of the day because you friggin' asked for it, b*tch, and when friends don't spend time with you because they're married, with children or in a relationship, you have to go with it. It just dawned on me after the conversation that I don't want to sleep with men to figure out if I like them, I refuse to believe that love is dead and can't compromise, I will do my homework when I can and I'm awake and to hell with what everyone thinks in a coffee shop cos I'm alone and drowning in paper and books, I am not going to sit down and be yelled at by my boss cos he/she is simply having a bad day and I will do my best to spend time with friends, even if it means babysitting or enduring a long, winded conversation about motorcycles with their respective boyfriends or the latest Prada collection with their girlfriends, no matter how much you want to shoot yourself after. I am me. I don't have anyone else to love me and to change me just because circumstances tell me to. 

All in, baby! 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read through some of my school stuff. :)

All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng, my leading provider of stock photos.
Thailand pictures taken with an Nokia N8 phone camera. 

The One with the Big 3-0!!!

I'm going to be honest. I have done a lot of things I am not particularly proud of.

Alright, sounds like a confession, right? It is quite true. I am not proud of eating like crazy on the weekend of my birthday.

We had lunch at our favorite Chinese place, Luk Foo. Yeah, we traveled to QC just to get to eat that authentic MSG-laden food that we so love and adore.

I am not proud of eating like crazy on the weekend of my birthday. 

Yang Chow Fried Rice for starters. 

Beef Tenderloin in Sweet and Sour Sauce - Heaven!

Lechon Kawali or Deep Fried Pork, yum!

I was pretty serious about losing the weight til I realized how much a wonder it is to eat food. More food pics coming up in honor of my 30th big bang, lolz! 

The One with the Writer's Block and Biological Clocks

When I get home from a long day, the only thing I can think of is to rest and watch some TV. I rarely visit my blog now and provide my insights to the world. I can't imagine not being able to rest my head against a few of my fluffy pillows while I get one and hugs it to pieces!

Not the actual pillows I have on my bed but fluffy enough for me to dream about them. 

I would like to believe that this is because I have been pouring my heart out at work and because the stress overwhelms me. I don't think it's true though. I like my job - it's light, non-overwhelming, unemotional and somewhat rewarding. I do a lot of deskwork though, which means using words all the time and lately, I've been experiencing what people would call a writers' block.

Oh don't get me wrong, it's not like I've ran out of words in my head, it's just that I have ran out of the drive to place it in an HTML pad and place pretty pictures I downloaded off Stock Xchng. I even find myself not returning some emails from friends, which I am deeply, truly sorry about. I usually email one liners, like "I got it", or "Sure". I've lost the "You can do it, I believe in you" chutzpah I seem to exude so people SMS/Email/Private Message me every so often.

Yeah, even my BDJ hasn't been updated much. 

I could run through 10,000 things at once at one time in my life. The other day, my immediate manager sat me down and asked me about my WINs (Wants, Interests, Needs). It was probably the most difficult thing he ever did. I am guessing he has never come across anyone that doesn't really want anything. I feel burned out but I don't have a reason to be burned out. I like my job and if I can continue simply doing my job, without anyone bothering me, I would be pretty happy. Somewhat though, a part of me is craving something and I don't even know what it is. It could be activity, excitement, some weird form of drug maybe, I don't know, but I know for a fact that it contributes to me lessening my online presence and my thought process.

I have always liked activity with people I care about. Lately, I have been somewhat closer to moms - my friends Aileen and Cym, both of which are amazing and wonderful mothers. They believe in different things and yet, their kids turn out pretty okay. I feel my body doing weird, crazy things. I know for a fact that I will never be pregnant. Well, not now when I'm very single and I really don't have any intentions of sleeping around. There's something in me that wants a child. Half of me wants it, half of me doesn't. I feel like at this point, I have a lot of maternal energy and I don't know who to give it to. I know that sounds weird and probably crazy to a lot of people, but feelings, hormones, demons, they're all inside, pushing me to be a mom.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not gonna be this hot when I become preggers, but we never know, right?

If men are allowed to have quarter-life and mid-life crises where they bang every girl they see and buy a Lexus, then I'm pretty sure, this is somewhat the female equivalent. A woman kind of needs a child - that's supposedly the essence of being a woman - to carry a  child to term and give life. I know no one sees me as that - I've been too acrid, sarcastic and even a terror to work with. Maybe, even to have a relationship with. But this time, I'm just desperately needing a child and it affects me as whole. Maybe even my supposed writer's block.

Whatever this is, it's something I feel. I'm glad I'm not experiencing any physical manifestations of it (I'm not experiencing pseudocyesis). Maybe a little bit of me has given up on finding love and finding that one amaizng family which I will someday belong to. One thing I know is that I feel like I'm losing time.

Not gonna happen, which sucks. 

And losing opportunities.

Rationally speaking of course, I am severely sure that it's an Anthropological aching for a child. Women, back in the Cave Men era, were homemakers, they were the ones taking care of the young. And this is evidenced in most biological ecosystems. I know women don't need an alpha-male to mate, they just need a mate. In a Physiological sense, I am kind of sick, the hormones can and will affect the way I see my life. In a Psychological sense, maybe I am just crazy.

Ultimately, if your clock starts ticking, will your block keep hindering?

All photographs were taken legally from Stock Xchng. 

The One with the Political Angst

I never thought I'd be one to post anything political but what the heck, some of my readers asked for it, so let's give it a go...

At the start of this year, we were shocked and horrified with the civil protests in Egypt. The people took to the streets, as then Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak was being accused of severe corruption. The Egyptian government's financial oversight body stated that the Mubarak, including his wife Suzanne, and his sons, Alaa and Gamal, have amassed billions of dollars' worth of properties, including luxury apartments and condominiums, palaces and even valuable farm land. This doesn't merely stretch along the Alexandria and Cairo, but traverses time zones - from the Red Sea luxury resort condos, to Beverly Hills Mansions, to properties in Paris, France. Apart from the extreme properties, the Mubarak family has acquired, over the years, companies which are worth millions of dollars. 

The Mubarak Family: (L-R) Alaa, Suzanne, Hosni and Gamal.
Picture Credit: Huffington Post 

To find out more about Hosni and the family, let's take a look at their history. Hosni took over the Egyptian government in 1981 when his predecessor, Anwar Sadat, was assassinated, following peace talks with Israel. Since the monarchy was overthrown, presidency was the next best thing and Hosni, in his first political address to his public in Cairo, promised "not to commit myself to what I can not implement, hide the truth from people, or be lenient with corruption and disorder...". 

(Far right) Hosni Mubarak in 1981. 

After assuming the post in 1981,supposedly, Hosni has rigged every election and has done everything in his power to push for elections every 6 years, but crushing political opponents and dissidents prior to the elections. 

Democratic rigging as demonstrated by Hosni in one of the allegedly rigged elections. 

During the 2005 Egyptian Presidential elections, no international observers were allowed in the Egyptian polls. 

Dr. Ayman Nour, a political opponent that tried to shed light on the widespread rigging of elections, was imprisoned  for forgery and was sentenced to 5 years of hard labor. 

January 25th, that fateful day, when people in Egypt bundled together to show their disgust and uprising against the corrupt and cheating Mubarak, was the day the world was introduced to a Muslim country fighting for its own rights. The massive outpouring of Egyptians in the streets of Cairo incited the world to take notice and for the world to become a spectator in a country desperate yet dedicated to reclaim its reputation and dignity as a nation. Following the uprising in Tunisia (which is a completely different story), Egypt's white and blue collar employees, students and random ordinary citizens pooled into the biggest uprising the Muslim country has ever seen. January 27th was the day that Egypt shut down the Internet - forcing people like Alyouka, the first Egyptian Twitter user to use the hash tag #Jan25 to alert others to protest. 

Social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook were repeatedly blocked in Egypt for some time, ensuring that no other countries will be aware of what is going on in the country.

Protesters in the streets, carrying flags, drums, anything to show their revolt. 

What does this tell us? It tells us that in extreme oppression, people revolt. When things become too unpalatable and undesirable, it becomes the tipping point. In extreme cases, people don't only revolt, they fight and civil unrest ensues. A government will face its downfall when people find their means and they will, because they won't stop until they overthrow someone whom they know is not going to be good or right for them. 

This happens rarely in everyday life. People in the Philippines are way too weak to even question corruption. We tend to shrug and say, '...meh, karma will get them'. In the face of billion-peso scams, worthless pork barrel implementations and dare I say, smear campaigns. We're very good communicators - we form opinions and share them in taxi cabs, usual inuman sa kanto sessions and friendly dinners. We even, in our families, talk about politics. 

Surely, I'm not the only one that thinks that LPG-ran vehicles isn't bad for the public's health. It's been chronicled that LPG emits hydrocarbons and carbon monoxide and the poor cab drivers that drive those heinous converted vehicles are not benefiting from paying less for gas if they're going to pay for lung surgery medications after! Thanks to the former first gentleman Mike Arroyo for that! For more, I'm not the lone proponent of the thought that politicians should worry more about the health and safety of children in the Philippines rather than get caught up in a sex video scandal featuring a well-known erstwhile plastic surgeon come singer/actor and an up and coming starlet (And yes, Senator Bong, the word is perversion - not pervertedness or something to that effect, and sir, not pointing fingers, but you dare say, in front of congress, that Hayden Kho doesn't have morality and doesn't respect other women? You, sir, have a wife and Lord knows, 11 kids?! And you have allegedly slept with all your female co-stars. Am I on glue here?!). Then there's the RH Bill - don't even get me started on that one. In a church, near my office, there's a tarp saying "Stop the RH Bill, It's not God's will". I don't think God's will is to have 100,000 bastards at the end of each month because people had to avoid contraception. Further to that, let's face it, people are having sex! They are! In fact, my bet is someone half my age is doing it right now, with some dude she met at a bar, or a drinking session or whatnot.This young lady, with a condom or the pills, will avoid conception by almost 96% (I'm a pharmacist, BTW, so these stats make sense to me...) which means she may not conceive at all! The probability of her being preggers by the end of the bump-n-grind session is almost 96% as well. Given the right ovulation period, hormonal triggers,etc - I'm not gonna bore you with that - the point is, this girl would have to stop a year of her education to give birth, then expecting her to do the right thing, we expect her to land a job, a good career so she can provide for the resulting child. How can she do that if she's not equipped to face that responsibility? I'm freakin' 30, I can't imagine having a child yet! So what more if I was 15 and I got preggers? I'm with the whole movement that children are our future and perhaps the Catholic church has a right to impose upon its people the avoidance of contraception, but even the government is weighing in on it. You can be Pro-Life or Pro-Choice, either way, it's not your life that's at stake, it's that child's. And about children - if DSWD's programs were half as good, we won't be seeing rugby-sniffers around the metro, we won't see children prostituting themselves to foreign and local customers and yes, fathers won't be abusing their daughters or their sons, for that matter. If the government was ran as successfully as it can be, how come we're poor as a nation? Why are we illiterate as a nation? Why are out people generally thought of as domestic helpers in other countries? We clean for a living and we can't even clean our own society. 

The separation of the church and state rarely happens in the Philippines because politicians are worried about the amount of support they'll get from church leaders, or lack thereof, should they oppose.

Sometimes, I envy Egypt, because they took their flag and ran with it. They were unapologetic and they understood that they can reclaim their nation - they can reclaim the morality and the dignity that is the seat of civilization. With us, ask anyone in the street about the most moving news story they heard the past few days and that would probably be a showbiz news! It sucks that we've bred a society that fosters lack of awareness, but what stings more is that we ourselves breathe the society that fosters apathy. Bet a peso that this person you ask in the streets won't even know much of the history of the Philippines, how ancestors fought for our freedom and how we should be thankful for it. How long does the culture of apathy run and will this generation's legacy be that? You and I will have to decide. 

All Egypt and Mubarak pictures were taken from the Huffington Post. 

No photographers were harmed during the making of this post. All other pictures were taken from Stock Xchng. 

The One with God and the Multi-level Manager

A couple of years back. I was a Training and Development Coordinator before, in Merlin. I used to handle several sites - Hungary, UK and the Philippines. Think that it's a Training and Development Manager post, except that the company calls it something else for purposes of taxation, semantics (cos they're Brit) and the whole thought of we're not a call centre hence we're not gonna call everyone a manager mindset. (Thanks to James for clearing that up!)

Apparently, I should have had a PDA. They just gave me a laptop and I had to lug it around for hours to get to the office! Hahaha! 

In Hungary, where there is an entire floor in a building dedicated to the company, there are so much more employees. Handling training for soft skills, communications and other specifics was simply harder to accomplish remotely and at the same time, it was just hard to follow-up.

In the UK, because it's corporate, it's easier. The personnel are great to get along with and they often just need some systems training, where one SME (subject matter expert) is already in the site and it's mere coordination that needs to be set in motion.

In the Philippines, it was a whole lot easier. Everyone can see you, everyone "respects" you to a certain extent and it's easier to reach out. People are commonly more agreeable cos they know you're working hard on something and your intention is to get everyone trained on a specific topic, even if it means taking an hour-long call from the NASA affiliate of the account you're handling (which means extending your shift until 5 in the morning even though it's agreed that you only work until 2AM).

Getting people to follow your training requires some weird talent - it involves food, some warm coffee and a lot of stand-up acts that you should have mastered by the time you're almost 30! 

Earlier today, I had dinner with a trusted friend. He sat down with me and told me how he abhors (notice how I skipped the use of the word hate cos it just doesn't give me the same intensity as "abhor") it when some "evangelists" tell you you're wrong and condemns you to turn you to their religion. He spoke of a time when he felt like he was being crucified for doing something wrong, as a former classmate of ours would come to his house and would try to get him to attend a church he belonged to. They stopped talking after my friend said "I'm not saying no to God, I'm saying no to you...". I guess the extremist church dude took the Bible verse "...do not yoke with unbelievers" seriously. 

Who could say no to that face? Maybe evangelists should utilize cherub-like  images before they "preach". They'd get better responses. 

I came to think about my own experiences in religion. I have had friends who would gently prod, others would guilt you into going to their churches, others would surprise you (as in you feel trapped, you're in someone's "party", and in the middle of the hip LL Cool J song, they whip out their Bibles and the pool is already prepped for your "baptism") and others would simply back-off when you say you're busy. Those whom I'm still friends with are those who showed genuine concern. Those who may have failed but still show their care, would pray for me, would accompany me on a bad day or simply go shopping and not quite talk about their faith. I've been approached by all types of religions - Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, Hinduism and Christianity. All types of faiths, leading me to believe sometimes that I can just wait until some cult comes up to me and say "The Sunshine State of Mind is the way to go..." and I'd just finally give up and say "Sure, why not?!". I figured there are really those that force and condemn and criticize, without taking someone's side on anything. They judge and cast stones. If you've ever been approached by people who tell you that your faith is wrong, you're wrong or the way you live your life is wrong, then you know what I mean. They congregate as a group and collectively point their fingers at you, choosing to say "You're wrong", instead of "This is what's right in my eyes, or in God's eyes...". 

Judge me. I'm a sinner. 

In most cases, eager and overzealous evangelists become the judge,jury and executioner. I'm familiar with the drill. Corner someone and say he or she is wrong. He/she is a sinner. He/she is a bad person. Guess what, everyone is a sinner. Supposedly, according to the Bible, "everyone has sinned and fallen short of God's glory". There's no need to condemn anyone because "the wages of sin is death" and I will skip stating which part of the Bible it is. The main idea is God has always tried to reach out, to coordinate, to hold out His hands and try to get people to see His point of view. Preachers tend to point their fingers at you and say "You're the worst person on earth"... They follow up their church and what their doctrines are and it scares the heck out of you because you're not a judgmental person and you simply hope not to be judged by anyone. 

I read it once. Not enough to quote it like a lawyer but hey, enough to know God loves me. 

They always say that God is a jealous, spiteful, avenging God. He is a God that punishes and whatever bad thing that happens to you is your punishment. Flu? You didn't read the Bible yesterday! Leprosy? That's cos you cheated off your 2nd-grade classmate back then. AIDS? Homosexual abomination! You deserve that! Famine and strife? Your country is heathen and hedonistic and you've displeased God! I sincerely don't doubt that there are people out there who tend to cast stones because of self-righteousness. Guess what, it makes sense to me. Scare someone sh*tless and you tend to make them want to seek out the one thing that would hold them together. But isn't this a cult tactic? Isn't this what the Manson Family (Charles, not Marilyn) did? Isn't this what the late great cultist Jim Jones did in Jonestown, Guyana? Fear - fear of failing, fear of humiliation, fear of rejection - aren't those their tools? These men - great minds, amazing followship (and I don't call it fellowship because it might offend some people) was because they were bullies. They coerce people to follow, coerce people to belong and thus, people tend to. They make a stand, and they force people into accepting their words as gospel truth because they have a congregation that says "amen" to what they say, because they have a group that can "excommunicate" you when you choose not to follow and they have the machinery of God's word - thousands of Bible verses to prove to you, to the congregation and the rest of the world that YOU ARE WRONG! 

Still a cute girl. Seriously,preachers, get a little girl to do this... 

Guess what, no one wants to hear they're wrong. 

I was asked by my trusted friend what I think God is like. He laughed when I said "God is like a really good omnipresent and omniscient multi-level manager in a corporation" (Sounds like something I'd say, right? Blasphemous and challenging.). He is an excellent manager of people and a manager of systems. When God needs something communicated, He tends to look into a person's psyche first. Figures out what works best then goes with it and runs with it. Different strokes for different folks. I think God figured out a long time ago that bullying doesn't work (Those Inquisitions never did Christianity any good, did it?) and tolerance, instead of condemnation, is key. God doesn't sit down and tell other people in the department to give sanctions to people for mere omissions or commissions (Christian term which means omitted acts - like reading the Bible, praying, paying your tithes, etc and committed acts - lying, cheating, coveting someone's wife, etc), rather He weighs his options. He has a Performance Appraisal for everyone and knows what each one did to merit an Exceeds Expectations rating, or Fully Successful or even Needs Improvement. He listens in on calls, knows your metrics, bases your performance on that rather than something subjective like how well you participate in meetings or how friendly you were to the staff. God works in mysterious ways too, He doesn't need a major breakthrough so He'd give you a kudos, He knows what you did and He will pat your back when you deserve it. God also sits you down and tells you you've been late for a couple of times, and what the hell is wrong with you or tells you your metrics have dipped, and works with you on how you can make it easier to target those metrics. God isn't a micro-manager. He tells you what He wants done and sets your expectations clearly and tries to get out of your way so you can work your mojo. Ultimately, God knows how to communicate to you. There's no need for flaming swords or the vision of Eden or tears of blood and gold to show you how much He cares. At the end of the day, God is an excellent multi-level manager. 

God has a freakishly large calendar to pencil in talking to his people!

Managing sites, getting people's buy in, finding common things to talk about, not bullying anyone... If I was as good as God (please don't consider this blasphemy, you can dream right?), I would have done that. I would have lessened the administrative tasks and I would have given my all to talk to people and make them want the training, make them want to learn, push them to make the best decisions of their careers and not coerce them into making decisions based on fear or bullying tactics.If you're going to minister to me, trust me. I'm going to need you to talk to me the way most managers do, with patience, tolerance and finally, with understanding. There's no need for an Inquisition when you're not ready for a war. 

No photographers were harmed intellectually during the making of this post. All pictures were taken from Stock Xchng.

The One with the Prowess

I had a quick talk with a younger family member of a good friend. She currently works for a BPO and has mentioned that as an agent, she does pretty well but her scorecards change so often that she gets so confused about what to follow and what to expect next. 

BPO personnel often think that they should always change it up. 

I figured I'd talk to her and find out more about what she wants. She opened up and told me that she wants to be a coach someday. I asked her what she's doing about it and she said, nonchalantly, that's fine. It's all politics. You can date an OM (Operations Manager) and next week become a supervisor. 

That really troubled the heck out of me. I was never the type to rub elbows intentionally. If I see them, I'll say hello, offer them a smoke or a cup of coffee (if we have some handy) and if I encounter them in a resto, I'd of course walk over and say hello. 

Losers wear a frown and smilers wear a crown! Booyah! 

I do a lot of sideline work, and special marketing and consulting projects tend to make you seem more popular than you are, especially if they're Chinese businessmen and they just want some marketing or campaign letters, newsletters or magazine ads. I bump into them in the doctor's office, near my old school, inside a mall boutique and yep, sometimes, while walking home from the nearby drugstore. So, yes, I do walk over, say hello, speak in their vernacular and tell them that I hope they contact me soon for more pictures or web templates or marketing pieces. But I figured, it's only because I'm selling myself (not myself literally!). And let's face it, in the project-contractual world, we don't have scorecards. We only have face value, a hard copy and a soft copy that can be replicated by 10,000 other Six Sigma, SDI and Industrial Manufacturing certified personnel in the field. 

Talking to her, this is when I remembered what I had written in my journal when I was younger. I was so pissed off. One of the high school classmates I had was "voted" an editor. Yes, the high school paper's editorial board was actually voted. They were not judged based on writing skills or knowledge of lay-outs or who's been in the group long, it was an election, which obviously turned out to be a major popularity contest. I had a diary then that would lock in front and I had the key with me at all times. Thanks to Ondoy (International Name: Ketsana), I was able to unearth the diary and I jammed the lock out, allowing me to review and read what I had written so long ago. 

I remember sitting by a tree in the school and writing about it while trying so hard not to cry.

It's never who you know, it's always who you are... Never mistake perception for personality, never assume power for prowess and never take pertinence for passion. 

I was 15, I was miffed and I can't understand why on earth would people choose someone popular and not someone who can do the job? Why does it matter who your clique is? Why can't you get a job or a position based on how efficiently you did? 

I looked at my younger friend across the table. I told her fine, rub elbows, but be sure you're competent enough cos people who can't simply won't. 

All photos are taken official from Stock Xchng. 

The One with the Break from Work

Have you ever had a work-day that was so productive that all you ever want to do when you head home is actually pig out? Well, sometimes, work can be overwhelming, and you deserve some comfort food. So here's our version of comfort food.

Teriyaki Boy at Jupiter 

Now with Low-Salt Alternatives! 

Jessie wanted some yogurt and I wanted some comfort food so badly. I wanted some ramen and some good nori-wrapped Tamago Sushi. I was hooked on that stuff.

Jessie had some Agedashi Tofu and that is some crispy-fried tofu bathed in some light soy sauce broth, topped with some benito flakes and daikon and of course, freshly-sliced Maguro sashimi, which is freshly caught yellowfin tuna. No Japanese meal is complete without raw fish!

Jessie's meal - Agedashi Tofu and some Maguro Sashimi

While Jessie went for the classics, I went for the stereotypical... I wanted some comfort food, cos I was feeling down and out from the long, long day. I had some seafood ramen. It could have been any seafood ramen, but they kind of make this one special. White noodles, dory fish, shrimp, squid balls and some hard-boiled eggs fill the bowl along with carrots and baby bok choy.

I went with some piping-hot ramen. It's noodle-licious! It's filled with veggies, some dory fish, squid balls and shrimp. You got to love some seafood ramen. 

I won't forget my Teriyaki Boy favorite of course, and it's this little concoction. It's some sweet omelette and some vinegared rice, covered in nori.

Some delicious Tamago sushi - definitely something to love. 

I realize that it's not my first time to post about Japan this week. Still praying for recovery for Japan and if it means anything to you all, no Japanese food would ever taste the same until you know that they people who's supposed to be enjoying it should be enjoying it in good health and safely, too.

Teriyaki Boy is all around the metro. Go ahead and click on their site and find a store near you.
Japan still needs help. CBS News was kind enough to sum up what needs to be done.

The One with the Disaster

Disclaimer: This is not a means to participate in a Twitter frenzy of praying for and asking for donations for Japan. It's my small way of making people aware of the disasters around them. This is a grossly serious post and it chronicles my thoughts and feelings about what happened in the midst of an 8.9 magnitude earthquake in a country so powerful economically that it could stand to weather almost anything. 

It was an ordinary day in Japan. What could have been another day in an office, or the field was suddenly turned upside-down when the country was hit by an 8.9 magnitude earthquake, centered near the east coast of Japan. The epicenter was in the Miyagi Prefecture, which meant it affected the densely-populated business city of Tokyo. Fishermen were in their busiest deep in the big blue Pacific, trying to get their catch at around 2PM in the afternoon when the quake happened, which means most of them were swept away by huge tsunami that crashed into the inland, badgering the already shaken and stirred people of Japan. 

That's a picture of a man looking at the rubbish in his town, after the quake and the tsunami devastated the city. 

Debris of fallen buildings and other structures amidst sludge and water. 

Massive destruction along public highways, the bridge shown here almost uprooted from the ground. 

Tsunami waves spilling over the streets of Tokyo

And in case you've been desensitized by Hollywood movies about the end of the world, and you think that this is one rich country that need no help, think again.

A female survivor crying in the Iwake prefecture northeast Japan. 

A man cries as he sees a board with names of survivors at a shelter in a village ruined by the earthquake. 

Isolated people in Sendai. 

And in case it hasn't hit you yet, here's a video of the massive punishing power of water over one powerful country. 

Disasters come and tear people's lives apart everyday of their lives. Some have it worse than others. To point to the different disasters in Asia, in February of 2011, there was heavy flooding in Sri Lanka that killed at least 11 people. In the same month, New Zealand experienced a 6.3 magnitude earthquake that caused 166 fatalities. Disasters come at the most unexpected times, times when you just had a conference call or maybe a quick meal, maybe even in the most ungodly hour at night. How prepared are you to lose everything you have? And following that thought, how prepared are you to fight for what you have? 

I was in a cab, ready to head home when I heard the news. Earlier, I was under the impression that the day was just so long and I can't wait to hit the sack. I even thought of listening to my newly-downloaded songs on my iPod before sleeping. It was a normal day. Had it happened to this city - my city - would I have survived? Probably not. 

• While Manila might have been informed of an impending tsunami of massive proportions, poorly-designed streets would have damned me right then and there, in the cab, along with my poor driver, trapping me in water, debris and an abysmal combination of slurry and full-force waves. The locked windows and doors would automatically cave me in, crushing my face, arms and perhaps even my jugular, cutting off any circulation. 
• If the tsunami won't kill me, it would be the fire that would probably start from the massive onslaught of debris and collapsed structures into closely-wound gasoline stations in and around the metro, not to mention the poorly-maintained states of most cabs nowadays. 
• Edifices would have crumbled in minutes, thanks to a force so strong and huge that would crack the heaviest metals and concrete megastructures in the city. The street asphalt would crack and become brittle and might even cave from the enormous pressure of the water and the heavy cars, trucks and other vehicles. A structure could fall right atop my cab and would crush me in seconds, cutting off any type of function in my body. 
• Heavy electric wirings could actually fall right into the water or could be snapped by the massive water, making the water excessively charged. Mix that with metal cars and you have a fried (or baked) me.

I know, that is a morbidly disgusting thought, but I'm wired to think of the worst-case scenario and what would I do. I realized that the best thing to do in the event of an actual disaster is to actually scramble for the highest ground possible. In an earthquake, a tsunami and even a flash flood, my best bet for survival is actually, amazingly climbing the highest peak. Now, getting there could actually kill me too.

Life is a series of paths strewn with thorns and sometimes, an occasional bed of roses. If this happened to you today, would you be prepared to face the consequences of your actions? Would you have lived the life you wanted to live? Would you have fought for everything you've got? Would you be swept away and leave your fate to chance? 

Everyone has a fight in them, everything has a reason and looking at how fragile life is, find the why and endure almost any how. 

All pictures are obtained legally and with links to the original post from Yahoo News. Information obtained from CNN and The Huffington Post. 

Be familiar and be aware of the things happening around you. Asian Disaster Reduction Center (ADRC) has projects geared towards preparing for natural calamities and disasters in and around Asia. 

Help the survivors and the relief operations in Japan and Time was kind enough to summarize it. Check out their newsfeed on how you can help Japanese earthquake and tsunami survivors.